our red rock wilderness {part two}: i'm not sure what i want to say...and maybe this is my life's struggle

"our kinship with Earth must be maintained;
otherwise, we will find ourselves trapped
in the center of our own
paved-over souls
with no way out."

-terry tempest williams

have you ever seen red rock glow with the thickness of sunset?
or have you ever witnessed snow in the desert?
i've never know such a varied landscape.

i'll tell you why i love the desert:
because it's honest.
it hides nothing. it bears all.
this can be quite frightening at times. terrible.
but the most wonder-full thing i've ever experienced.
what would it be like to reveal everything to ourselves about ourselves?
do we even know what lies deep within us?
in the desert, i let my guard down, and i too can be honest. bear all.
and best of all, i can say it all in the desert without any words.
it's magic. truly. magic of the best kind.

this week is a big week for wilderness.
an activist is on trial for bidding on wilderness lands to
save them from oil/coal/choose-your-poison corporations.
i admire his courage. i admire those who showed up for protests.
i stayed away from it all. feeling desperately that what i wanted
to say is un-sayable. how can you protest in silence?
how do you show someone your soul?
i'm not a shouter. i'm not a speaker. i'm not a protester.
but i am human, and i feel deeply.
these lands truly are our lands, and i do indeed feel that in my heart.

today i am learning to be honest in my silence...which is how i say it all.

if you're ever in utah we'll go together to experience the most stark honesty you've ever witnessed.

here's to a hopeful earth day

we have much to hope for.
we have much to do...and much not to do.
i hope we will take earth day seriously,
and resolve to care more deeply,
to act more often.

have you been watching the wondrous gathering of
15,000+ people in cochabamba, bolivia this week?
it's really inspiring.
so many good people coming together to motivate the rest of us...
let's not let them down.

"our kinship with Earth must be maintained; otherwise,
we will find ourselves trapped in the center of our own paved-over souls
with no way out."
-terry tempest williams, finding beauty in a broken world, page 75

"we can no longer say, 'let nature take care of itself.' our press on the planet is
heavy and relentless. a species in peril will most likely survive now only
if we allow it to, if our imaginations can enter into the soul of
the animal and we pull back on our own needs and desires to accommodate theirs.
what other species now require of us is our attention. otherwise,
we are entering a narrative of disappearing intelligences."
-terry tempest williams, finding beauty in a broken world, page 203

"this is what is wrong with us, we are bleeding at the roots."
-d.h. lawrence

i truly believe that THE most important and effective way we can
conserve the beauty of the earth is to put aside our own desires:
to buy less.
don't give in to smart and pretty advertising.
don't give up this earth for something you will throw out next year
when the newest fashion comes about.
make things yourself.
buy local and handmade if you have to buy at all.
bike. bike. bike.
get outside.
get informed.

write corporations/businesses/representative, and tell them

that you support real change {no "green"-washing},

tell them that you will no longer buy their products

if they are not sustainable.

they will listen...

because there is more of us than them.

take it one step at a time.
day by day
we will not only preserve this earth
but we will preserve our souls.

i am slowly, but surely, killing my car...driving only when it rains...
but even then, i am riding more in the rain too...
it's not so bad...it's quite refreshing.

what do you pledge to change for the earth today?

manifesto monday: facing unsavory realities with hope

this is one of the more difficult and personal manifestos i've made...it is hard to be bold, honest, and open. i have deeply wanted to share so many things with you, but have been afraid to expose ugly realities here. i am trying to find an empowering way to include all of you in what is most important to me.

ceej and i spend a lot of our free time reading books, watching documentaries, tuning in to the news, listening to scholars and activists, analyzing articles, watching the actions of civic office holders, etc. we feel compelled to be informed and to act according to our conscience.

often, people don't want to hear about what we've learned. it can be uncomfortable to hear about the unfair things in this world. i hear people telling me that they just want to concentrate on the "positive" things in this world, as if i am always doom and gloom.

however, i truly have hope in humanity. i see what a difference one person can make. i see what true joy comes when we face corruption and tragedy with courage, optimism, and action. i see that there are many of us who want to alleviate suffering and greed. we can overcome. but we must be informed. we must take action. i cannot imagine experiencing a fullness of joy unless we have first faced our demons, unless we change ourselves into beings that are awake, deliberate, and compassionate.

i also believe that i cannot change you, and you cannot change me. somehow, we have to come to a place where we are willing to change on our own. this is where my hope comes in. i have hope that people will urge me to be better...even when it is painfully uncomfortable...and that i will hopefully find courage to change. and i hope that somehow those around me will listen to what i have learned, take action, or correct me if i have overlooked something.

if we are to turn unsavory realities into true joys, we must face them. we can and will do so...even if, in the end, we only change ourselves {but if we change ourselves it is hard for those around us not to be changed on some level}. we can find and make beauty in a broken world.

this i believe.

{i would love to know about your cause, about your fight...please inform me on more ways i can change and make a difference}

some recommendations: a documentary about martin luther king, jr.'s 'beyond vietnam' speech, a documentary about corporations, a documentary about food, a documentary about a brave man who changed the course of a war, a book about u.s. history, these may be difficult to watch...but the good news is we can take action and change these things...no matter how big the problems are. let's leave this world as beautiful as we can.

if i asked you to sign a petition, join a voting block, write a letter, or make a phone call...would you do it?

all of us have causes. all of us have concerns. some dedicate their lives to helping refugees and the homeless. others dedicate their lives and efforts to education and health. can you guess what my cause is? it's the land. it's wilderness. it's mother earth. she is my passion. she is my heart. she can make me laugh. she can make me sigh for days at a time. she can teach me many mysteries. she is not mine. she is her own. if we harm her too much, she will return with a vengeance.

a real-life story. happened last night. ceej and i happily found out that we could view ken burn's documentary on america's national parks via the world wide web (since we are sans tv). the first episode. john muir. we need another john muir to sing the song of the beauty and the importance of wilderness. we are in desperate need of an elegant, passionate, knowledgeable spokesperson for wilderness. after we watched that first episode i was oh so grateful for people willing to fight for the land...which in the end has saved us all. i also cried. because i have not done enough. this is my love, but i have neglected it. resolved to return to my efforts like never before.

this morning full of anxiety. watching a congressional hearing concerning "america's red rock wilderness act." this wonderful act, if passed, would protect 9 million acres of beautiful and important land as "wilderness." i listen to utah senators and other utah elected officials...words are flying out of my mouth: "liar," "manipulative," and "corrupt." my knees are bouncing with anxiety. then, an angel. a representative from another state talks about how much utahns, not elected officials, support this wilderness bill. he tells the truth. he says what the people of utah have said. we want wilderness protected. i have a moment of hope. but, senator hatch and senator bennett then give false information, and twist things to fit their wallets. they talk about how land could help fund education if we don't protect it...since when do they care about education? when the state had a $1billion surplus, the people of utah wanted that money to go to education...well, our reps ignored the people, as usual, and put the money elsewhere--in their pockets and their friends' pockets. they yell and raise their voices to try to prove they are right. breaks. my. heart.

anyway, yes, i'm venting. not very "professional." but, i write all of this because i want to know if my utah friends would take a few moments to call their representatives to tell them they support bill HR 1925 (america's red rock wilderness act). in saying that, know that i will support you and your causes. i know we cannot take on every cause there is. each of us has our passion. i will do what i can to help you. you help me. a community of friends, yes?

i tried to keep this short. wanted to rant more, but realize no one really cares for ranting. thanks for indulging my anxious heart.

photo by cj. harris wash...in utah. 2008.

when i finish her book i'll stop quoting her...at least for a bit. but for now i can't get enough...

she uses an analogy that i thought i had heard too much. but i like it. see if you recognize the analogy...

"we should always, especially when it is difficult, exercise our freedom of speech and assembly, and i mean the word exercise. Rights are like muscles: they atrophy and aren't there when you need them if you don't use them. The First Amendment is in trouble not just because of U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft and the USA Patriot Act, but because of a pall of self-censorship--some have spoken up with great courage, but many have been silenced not only by the acts of the authorities but by the prison of their own fear. Still, if people could stand up to Pinochet, if the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo could march in Buenos Aires during the time of the generals, if people could speak up in Prague in the 1980s, we can here, far more than we do. An atmosphere of repression exists speicifically because people don't speak up against it. When you speak up, you are not repressed--you might be supressed or punished, but you have freed yourself. Too, a tyranny can rise more easily by shutting up a thousand people than a million, and that's a reason to speak out." -rebecca solnit

rights are like exercise? sound familiar? it should. i hope we all resolve to use our rights daily.

photo by karin nussbaumer

poor nevada...poor west

photo by me. january 2009. I-80.

i am learning so much from Solnit's book of compiled essays. i wanted to tell you what she tells us about mining because i want you to know what it does to the earth and to the people who live near it. hope you find this information useful, and i hope it moves you to action.

~ by 1857, California gold miners had extracted 24.3 million ounces of [gold], but they left behind more than ten times as much mercury, along with devastated forests, slopes, and streams. Today, there's a new gold rush underway on the other side of the Sierra Nevada, and it too is racking up huge bills for the public, bills that will be coming due for centuries to come, bills that we will pay in taxes for restoration, and bills that can never be paid, for pure water, cultural survival, wildlife, and wilderness. (page 115)

~ the California Gold Rush wasn't an anomaly; it was the beginning of modern large-scale gold mining, which is still going on. In America's new gold boom in Nevada, the dimensions are staggering...Nowadays, Nevada produces nearly 10 percent of the world's gold and three-quarters of the nation's...The first big new open-pit mines came in 1965, but it was the rise of gold prices in the 1980s...and the invention of cyanide heap-leaching that made mining such low-grade ore profitable. (page 119-120)

~Gold is now mined on a scale none of those men in the sepia-tone photographs could have imagined, from ore far more low-grade than they could have considered worthwhile. The Mary Harrison mine, which opened in 1853 in Coulterville, near Yosemite, yielded about one-third to one-half an ounce of gold per ton. In 1997, the Toronto-based Barrick Corporation's Betze/Post mine, in the center of the Carlin Trend, mined 159 million tons of rock and earth to produce 1.6 million ounces of gold--about a hundredth of an ounce per ton..."invisible gold" leads to mines that can be seen from space. [talk about extortion!!!] (page 120)


photo by tom schweich

~One way to describe modern gold mines is to say that they are displacing earth and water on a gargantuan scale and producing and dispersing toxins in smaller quantities, with gold a proportionally minute by-product of this disruption...in Nevada water is being both contaminated and used up...A deficit of 5 million acre-feet is being created in the Humbolt Basin, 1.6 trillion gallons, the equivalent of twenty-five years of the river's annual flow. (page 121)

after reading her essays on mining in Nevada, i was oh so sad for Nevada. not only is their land and their health being destroyed by mining companies (many who are foreign companies), but they have had to put up with decades of nuclear bomb testing. it is oh so frustrating to me that people think a desert is a wasteland; that there is nothing worth saving there. they are dead wrong. it is a fragile landscape that has intensely beautiful spaces of mountain ranges and sagebrush fields.

it also made me very glad i don't live in the Salt Lake Valley development known as "Daybreak." I've always been suspicious of how that land has been contaminated by the mine that has developed the land. i've also always despised the eyesore of that huge mine. it's ugly. it makes me ill.

and another thing, utah is a place, too, where people think they can dump nuclear waste...and we even named the sports arena after a nuclear waste company: "energy solutions arena." that makes me very ill.

i hope you learned a little something. i hope you want to buy and read Solnit's book. it's got so much varied information about so many important issues. you'll love it. you'll feel more motivated to take action. to make this earth better.

discussion nights...

this is the lovely ashley's little place...

for the past six years

we've gathered once a week

to discuss...anything and everything

some of my favorite nights have been:

slow food movement

the israeli-palestinian conflict

presidential powers

healing dialogues

vegetarianism

big box swindle

urban sprawl

art nights

dance nights

i thought ash's book collection was wonderful...

so i took a picture


don't you think she has a beautiful place?
i sure do!

here's her inspiration board

thanks, ash, for bringing us

all together to learn more

about each other

and our world!

(if any of you want to join us...email me)

The People's Bribe

photo by francisco kjolseth Here's what we did yesterday at the Capitol. It was so much fun! We had a lot of news coverage too! Hip, hip!

WATCH THIS VIDEO and read about it here.

This is what makes activism fun and interesting. It doesn't have to always be so serious and heavy. Hopefully you can join us next time!

Peaceful Uprising

Last weekend my mom and I went to an event at the Salt Lake City Library presented by a new organization called Peaceful Uprising. We heard from Soren Simonson (a city councilman), Terry Tempest Williams (a naturalist and author), and Tim DeChristopher (student activist). I was deeply touched by their sincerity, their energy, and their passion. The thing that struck me most was their kindness. Activists are often envisioned as irrational and out-of-touch, but it was obvious that these people love the earth, love people, love the environment. They each told us ways we could get involved to bring about change in our world...especially an environmental change.

Please visit Peaceful Uprising's web site to find many articles about things like coal energy, civil disobedience, and much more!

I hope some of you will take action...I'm feeling discouraged these days, and would like some help in making the world better!

Friday Issue: The Amazon

This week for my Latin America History class we went the the Amazonia Photography exhibit at the Salt Lake City Library, and then we listened to a panel discussion about the diversity, destruction, and preservation of the Amazon. The photos were beautiful (thought I wished they were larger prints, and in a better location in the library). The panel was enlightening.

The panel consisted of a Brazilian diplomat, a journalist, a biologist, a linguist, an art historian, and an environmental lawyer. Each person talked about the importance of the ecology of this amazing rain forest. It was sad to hear how quickly the trees are being cut down for cattle and agriculture. (You can bet that if you consume any products with soy in them--which is almost everything--that you are contributing a bit to this tragedy...also if you're consuming beef from this region). Anyway, I was shocked at how beautiful and important this place is. I hope there is still enough time to save it.

However, the journalist brought up the point that even if the Brazilian government manages to rescue the forest from destruction it will not help our worsening climate if the rest of us continue to drive our SUV's and consume at the same level we've been consuming at for decades. SO, WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP? Stop buying so much stuff! (You've heard me say it before...but I'll keep saying it, because no one seems to really hear it. So I'll keep reminding you).

Also, you could google search for environmental groups who need donations to help them make a real effort to save the rain forest. You could start by looking at Greenpeace.

In My Perfect World...

(photo by annabel mehran)

This post is more like a diary today. So many things on my mind. It will be long. I hope if you take the time to read it that it might just spark some questions of your own. I don't have all the answers. I don't think anyone does. We just do the best we can, and try to truly love everyone yes? I'd prefer you didn't comment here (but if you must, you must)...I hope this provokes you to blog your own "In My Perfect World" post.

1. There would be no "inflamatory" rhetoric...let me explain. People would not call women who get abortion murderers...because you have no idea what suffering that woman has gone through, or might have yet to go through. People would not make fun of each other for their beliefs--religious or non-religious...when it comes down to it, we're all human beings trying to do good deeds. People would not use words such as "liberal", "conservative", "socialist", etc to degrade each other...we should probably learn what all those terms mean anyway...you might find something you like. Do you follow me?

2. Environmentalism would be seen as the virtue it really is. We would realize that we truly are stewards of this earth...that the earth is alive...that it symbolizes so much...that consumerism is killing the earth and everything on it.

3. We would value true simplicity, and be more productive, rather than consumeristic. Health and happiness does not depend on how much we have? How many times do we have to hear it before we believe it? Oh, to live the simple life!

4. We would know our neighbors, and support them. We would take care of each other in times of need...bearing each other's burdens. How do we bear each other's burdens when we don't even know each other?

5. Everyone would have a garden, and a nice little house to live in. We don't need monster houses in urban sprawl areas. We just need small little houses, and food to grow.

6. We would welcome disagreement and discomfort in all its forms. Everyone would have a voice everywhere.

7. Lobbyists would disappear from politics and government. Will people like me ever have a voice?

8. We would all know who we really are, men and women, and that we could all live our dharma (life-path).

9. Crying would be encouraged. Anger and pain would be allowed. Silence would be revered.

10. Intuition would be valued more than intellect.

11. Emotions would be just as important as politics.

12. Stars would be more visible at night (no more light pollution).

13. Everyone would know what stage the moon was in on any given night (if you want to know, it's waning at the moment).

14. Our lives would be slower...we could go on casual walks, read books, and talk on the front porch.

15. There would be opposition..."perfect" does not mean without problems and trials. People would still disagree with me (but kindly, please), and people would want things differently than I would.

16. I could teach. I could write. I could sing. I could dance. I could laugh. I could cry.

17. We could all choose where we wanted to live.

18. I could disagree with you...with reverence.

19. Professors would listen to students, and listen to their hearts as well...and students would listen to their professors and their hearts as well.

20. We could all be part of a fellowship.

21. There would be lots of storms and change.

Your turn