oxford update from my iphone

i can't believe week four is almost over. it has flown by, and yet there is still so much to do.
my laptop won't read my sd card, and so i can't upload photos yet.
so in the mean time i thought i'd just put up some iphone/instagram photos.
here's what i've been up to for the past three weeks:

:: tea. clotted cream. scones ::

:: spending most of my day-time hours in the bodleian libray ::

:: making a book of sonnets at printing class ::

:: organizing and presenting at a conference...i talked about the First Folio and the Academic Girl Gene ::

:: sneaking off to blenheim palace to read in the grass by the lake ::

:: going to as many music events at churches here in oxford as possible ::

:: writing letters home to ceej ::

:: skyping with ceej at least twice a day ::

:: desperately missing ceej ::

:: more tea. clotted cream. scones ::

:: shakespeare in the theater in both stratford and london ::

:: turning in papers, and then researching the next one ::

:: going for walks through these old colleges to let my mind process all the research ::

:: reading out loud so I can hear the First Folio ::

:: eating at High Table dinners and worrying about which fork to use ::

:: gazing out my window at night, looking at the gothic "hogwarts" steeple all lit up ::

:: enjoying my time with my tutor who is a shakespeare super-star ::

:: running every morning near the meadow ::


life is good.

and so it begins...

anywhere you stand in this city there is an incredible view that requires pinching yourself.
it's unbelievably beautiful, and unbelievably old and preserved. history. tradition.
point your camera almost anywhere and you end up with a moody, yet charming image.
academic pedigree meets the cotswolds.

we've had our first week of introductions and classes.
we know what's expected of us: dive deep into the pages of the bodleian library. ask questions that you never knew could be asked. chase the rabbit down the rabbit hole (we are in alice's wonderland after all).  we've been given permission to explore what we've always wanted to explore--because we're at an institution that is almost 800 years old, and we study at a library that is almost 400 years old and receives a thousand books a day to add to its stacks. pick a book. any book. they've got it.

happily overwhelmed.


{p.s. the last two photos are the view i have out my window. just wait until i show you a picture of that tower lit up at night...hogwarts anyone?}

in oxford : pondering "the ephemeral world of sound and echo" via Shakespeare's First Folio

hello, dear readers.

feels like i was here just yesterday. the streets are the same. the library is definitely the same.
the food in the dining hall is the same. the grass in the quad is the same. this place has been
the same for hundreds of years. sort of love that about this town. really love it.

there are a couple of new coffee houses with an eye towards fresh and local which is brilliant.
and i, already feeling confident about navigating the library, have more time to explore
the town's gems and the surrounding area. getting excited about riding bikes to blenheim palace
tomorrow, and visiting the botanic gardens often.

the best news: i get to take a weekly printing class at the bodleian library learning how shakespeare's first folio was printed, and we will create a printing project of our own. and my professor is kind of a big deal. and i could talk with my professor all day about nerd-ilicious details like margins, stage directions, the visibility of text, the sound of theater, and reading as performance.

dreamy indeed.


...now, if only ceej were here. paradise indeed.



[p.s. follow me on instagram to see what i'm up to throughout the day]

summer 2013 : the great decision

i'm only half-way through my studies here in vermont for the summer,
and already i've had to put in my preference for next year's studies...
next year i graduate. what?! i've always wanted to graduate at oxford,
but lately my homesickness has made me doubt my ability to get
through another summer, six weeks, entirely without ceej. i began to
consider another campus, much closer to home, in santa fe. beautiful, tempting santa fe.

i tried to tap into my dreams, into that depth in my heart, and ask myself what would i really want
for my last summer of grad school--my last summer to devote to english verse and prose?
oxford. shakespeare. the bodleian. that's what i want.

and as for my homesickness, i've decided to kidnap ceej and take him with me...
not quite sure how that's going to work out, but somehow i will find a way to make
our separation much less than six weeks.

sort of already dreaming and swooning about being back in oxford. this is good. very good.


{p.s. ceej comes to see me here in vermont tomorrow. this is good. very good.}

how the humanities have made me human

i'm not quite sure my brain has had a moment of quiet for the past couple of weeks...
the ideas have been continuous, and i have been trying to keep up.
so i'm taking a moment to empty some of my thoughts here in this space.

i have often had to defend my humanities pursuits in academia to those of a more "practical" nature--
recently, i have had to revisit my defense in light of my more "practical" change of direction.
i only briefly contemplated foregoing finishing this graduate degree in english literature and creative writing. very briefly. because i immediately called to mind and heart everything that the written word
has taught me about humanity. it has taught me that every word counts. it has taught me how to look
into a soul to realize how complex, how very different, how very much the same humans are. it has taught me that fiction is often closer to the truth than simple fact-telling. reading and writing literary criticism has taught me how to ask questions--my own questions and how to find answers, though they are not always so clear and precise. it has taught me that no matter how original we try to be, we always come back to the same essential truths.

i feel a deep sense of gratitude that i have learned how to dig deep into a poem, a novel, a play
and find what moves a human to be human. in addition to pursuing a more "practical" route, i am also
carrying with me my creativity. creativity + real life skills = dreams. i feel that bringing this balance into my life will ignite a fire not necessarily grand, but full of a light that will show me the way.

thank you, shakespeare. thank you, keats. thank you, donne.


{these are some photos from oxford last summer}

film : a summer's walk outside oxford

hello lovely readers. how was the weekend? we had such a great, relaxing weekend

spending time with good friends and revisiting our favorite epic story...which is to be continued.

i recently made a long overdue trip to the photo lab to get some of my images

processed from my time in england last summer. 

after looking at these images (and more that i will post later) i think i finally know

how i want to use a camera like this little graflex.

my favorite images are, as always, images where i used a shallow depth of field.

it was tricky as i was usually in need of a small aperture, meaning i didn't get my desired effect all that often. but i am learning how to use such a great little camera, and i hope

i have just a little more time with it before i return it to its owner.

and in other news, i start classes today (hip, hip hooray!)

i'm taking a couple supplemental courses to expedite my graduation date,

and i couldn't be more happy to be on my way to buy textbooks and blank notebooks.

happy monday!

oxford, a b&b, and how i danced

yesterday i was browsing through some photos on my phone,

and i stumbled upon these images that i snapped on our way

out of this bed & breakfast where we stayed in oxford...

it reminded me of the second greatest moment in my entire life

{second, of course, and predictably, to my wedding day}.

the best moment in my life happened this summer.

it came after years of self-doubt, and across a deep ocean of fear that i was drowning in.

all summer long i worked as hard as i could at oxford.

i researched, wrote, researched, wrote, researched...and wrote.

i was terrified that i would fail; that i would be "exposed" as

a "wanna-be" and a "fake"; that i would be kicked out of academia for ever and ever.

half-way through my time there i finally realized that even if i did fail

what would it matter any way? i could either try again, 

or find something else just as wonderful and beautiful.

so i gave in and let go a little more of fear,

and kept on spending hours in the library and with my laptop.

as my summer at oxford was coming to an end

i was becoming anxious to see ceej after six long weeks apart...

but i was absolutely terrified of my final tutorial with my professor.

i was sure he was going to be disappointed with all of my work,

and tell me that i was a disgrace to the institution and blah, blah, blah.

ceej arrived on the same day that i was to have my final tutorial.

i waited at the bus station in the cold for over an hour for ceej to make is way to oxford from london, 

not being able to communicate via cell or internet.

i thought i had my eyes peeled the entire time, but he still managed to sneak up on me...

best surprise of the entire summer!

i had to keep ceej awake so he could deal with jet-lag...so i took him to the ashmolean museum

where i dropped him off, hoping he'd find his way back to lincoln college when he was finished.

i hurried back to meet with my professor for the final tutorial.

my stomach was a mess. nervous. nervous. nervous.

i was prepared to hang my head in shame.

as our meeting started i was instantly relieved.

my professor had so much praise for my research and writing.

we laughed and ooh'd and ah'd at the great poems i had dissected, analyzed, and interpreted.

i think it would be safe to say that we were both giddy as we talked.

of course, my research wasn't perfect, but he gave me priceless advice and encouragement.

i will never, ever forget this moment.

i ran straight back to my flat, hoping that cj was there and not lost in the city.

he was there, waiting for me...i immediately started dancing right then and there,

and told ceej my good news:

i was not a "fake" and i had done incredibly well, despite every fear and insecurity i have ever had.

i needed that day, that moment, that professor. 

watershed moment indeed.

i no longer worry about failing--if i fail i know i can try again and again and again until i get it just right.

i haven't always devoted myself to what i want because fear stood broadly within my heart,

but i think i have given fear a good punch in the gut, and he's still lying on the floor to this day.

after my dance and explanation to ceej we headed to our b&b: the old parsonage hotel.

it was magical. i was in oxford with my love, with news of my success, and a place to rest

my head after such an incredibly hard, but beautiful summer studying at oxford.

i'm going back. next time to pursue my doctorate. just watch me. even if i have to punch fear in the gut twenty more times.

{p.s. you should check out the photos of the old parsonage hotel's website...they're incredible}

when the family came to visit me in oxford

ceej was the first to come see oxford...he came on my last day of classes

and was there when i jumped/danced for joy after having my final tutorial

with my professor...i did much better than i could have ever hoped for.

the whole experience got me dreaming about a PhD at oxford.

after ceej and i spent a few days exploring the lake district

we drove back (on the left side of the road, remember!) to oxford

to meet up with my sweet mom, my sister, and my brother-in-law.

boy oh boy was that trio jet-lagged! i wonder if they even remember

their whirlwind afternoon tour of oxford (?)

i showed them around lincoln college,

looked at an incredible exhibit of bibles...some thousands of years old,

along with handel's personal copy of the messiah,

saw a shakepeare first folio (no big deal),

we ate ben's cookies, we jumped on a red double-decker tour bus,

ate dinner in an old church vault,

and went to evensong at christ church...this was to be the highlight

of their tour since my mom is a serious organist and i thought

she would enjoy hearing the organ in such a grand building...

you should of seen us all sitting in a row:

sister & her hubby fell sound asleep leaning their heads together

{and sister even dropped her book of hymns!},

at one point i had to grab my mom's arm as she almost

toppled off her bench, and ceej {who was not jet-lagged}

folded his arms and closed his eyes. 

and there i sat in the middle of all this sleepiness,

enjoying that grand organ and choir. 

after evensong we piled in the car

{which could barely fit all of our luggage}

and drove to bath...and i will be showing 

you our day in bath tomorrow.

{happy first day of september...already dreaming of fall and halloween!}