"a thing of beauty is a joy forever"

crisis avoided. i have finished my paper, though it is far from perfect...
who wants perfection anyway? i have certainly found that the things and people
i love most in this world are far from perfect. life is so much easier when
perfection is not the goal. it's something i have to constantly remind myself of.

i absolutely love the sensation i get when i finish something that initially feels impossible.
it's finished, not how i had hoped, but my joy is still pretty substantial.
i feel like joining spring outdoors with a book--thank goodness the final
novel i must read for this semester is jane austen's mansfield park.
i'm going to try to simply enjoy this one while i simultaneously keep my critical sensors alert.

most importantly i'm learning to be content that i will not always be able
to hear every single melody that this big world has to offer.
i can't imagine hearing more melodies than i already do.
i am grateful for those unheard melodies...they move me to contentment.

thank you all for your supportive comments and love!

happy, happy tuesday!

it's always tea time...which is always better with ranunculus

isn't spring time lovely? the windows finally open, pages of books flutter in warm breezes,
birds chirp at each other as i sip my tea, ella sings to me as i clean, and my flowers turn toward the sun.

hopefully there will be lots of page-turning for me today. i need to get through this novel
so i can write, write, write, and then move on to my final novel for the semester: mansfield park.

spring is indeed lovely.

the calm has finally settled in

in an email, my sister wisely reminded me that i'm here

to learn, not to win a prize. oh ya.

this program is filled with the best of professors and the brightest of students,

and so it is easy to feel i have to prove myself: that i am brilliant, and insightful, and articulate, and knowledgeable, and, and, and...

it's easy to get anxious and push myself beyond enjoyment.

lucky for me my brain caught itself, and looked itself straight in the eyes and said:

you, my dear, are having an experience of a lifetime; don't ruin it with stress.

so i continue to spend much time in the library studying and writing

for most of my waking hours. but i no longer feel the urge to prove anything.

i pick topics i get giddy about, and i am writing about them in the way that

i want to write...not worrying about what others will think.

i am here in a beautiful city at a wonderful university

and i get to meet lots of incredible people.

i'm taking lots of deep breaths, and taking time to look around me now.

so glad the first weeks of anxiety are over.

however, i miss ceej terribly. i knew six weeks apart would be hard...but i had no idea

how a person can ache for someone almost constantly. can't wait for august 9th

when ceej makes his way over the atlantic to travel the countryside with me.

{photos from our trip to the cotswolds...more photos later!}

in love with these pages and petals

currently reading about elizabeth, shakespeare, donne, and milton...

i love studying for classes that allow me to learn in such depth

about the history surrounding such genius literature and poetry.

and these spring flowers (peonies, ranunculus, and tulips in particular)

are really making my study areas and office so incredibly pretty and light.

i think having fresh flowers to help me study or work is going

to be a difficult habit to break.

pink tile & spring flowers

it's almost been three months since we moved here and into our little home...
i guess this snow-storm we're currently having makes it feel like it's still january.
but i am happy for snow...happy that summer isn't quite here yet.
i am quite in love with our home.
the pink tile in the bathroom is one of my favorite things about it.

i'm off for a date with my mom...watching movies and sipping soup.
happy weekend!

pretty flowers and notes for a job well done...

i get giddy about giving little gifts.
my very favorite of all gifts to give
is a simple bouquet of fresh flowers
with a hand-written note.
wrap it all up in simple brown paper,
and tie a ribbon around it, voila!
my mom definitely deserves my favorite gift.

what's your favorite gift to give?

what a good snow fall, night with friends, fresh flowers, and late night talks can do for a weepy soul

my, oh my, how lovely you all are. what do you say we all move in on the same block so i can see your generous faces every day? i think it's a great idea.

i had some good ol'-fashion-cry-those-soft-but-deep-tears sessions over the past couple of days. and quite a good dose of laughing too. you were right--lots of upheaval going on around here as everything is new, new, new {except for our 1960s house that simultaneously charms while i bump my head constantly on the copper range hood...looks pretty, but doesn't always function ideally}.

i kept quiet for a while...waiting to make sure i knew a bit more about my discomfort...because, really, who likes to flip out about something when it's really not the something that's truly bothering you? so, quiet was my mood.

then it all came out...of course, ceej, was the first to bear it...and he bore it well. hugs and kisses and all sorts of encouragement. there. better.

next was a night out with friends. homemade pasta at a local fave restaurant and getting to know our knew korean friends who were in town for the weekend. best part of the evening: deciding to take the koreans out to our fave gelato joint {it was a long shot, as i know most koreans despise that dairy food-group...but there's always sorbetto, right?}. turns out gelato was the right choice...only because korea's "brad pitt" was there {lee byung hun}...our korean lady friend has probably never been so giddy since middle-school days. we pushed her, and giggled, and whispered until our gentleman korean friend took action and asked if we he would kindly take a photo with us. the crowds of the sundance film festival were worth it.

late last night i kept ceej awake as i analyzed something i realized about myself...how for reasons galore i tend to belittle my accomplishments...you know, i like to say things like, "oh, it really wasn't that hard," or "it was just luck"...and then before you know it you don't think so highly of yourself. so you talk about it, get it out, and get to work the next day. love how a good talk can erase years of crazy thinking.

saturday morning comes lovely as it always does...off to the bakery i went to find some fresh baked bread and a cake for sisters' birthday party tomorrow. i got real and decided i was buying some of the food rather than making every bite from scratch because there's still towers of boxes around my house and we need to get some serious work done if our celebrated guests are to have anywhere to sit.

oh, and i picked up some flowers for myself. my hands were oh so excited to be trimming the stems, rinsing the fresh dirt off, and placing them in simple glass vases. what flowers can do for the heart! wonders, i tell you, wonders.

this just gets better. had one of those wonderfully long conversations with my mom...the conversation where you figure out how to make everyone happy and how to make today better than yesterday. we talked about music...and how we can't live without it...how listening to bach makes us feel clean and good and ready to do some serious good in small and simple ways. and then we laughed at the funny people in this world who know how to show us how absurd we can be.

i'm feeling wonderful...though everything else seems to be going absolutely wrong today. but, today, instead of crying, i am laughing at it all.

it's that time of year : the life and colors of peonies

a summer of poetry

these, these will give the world another heart,
and other pulses. hear ye not the hum
of mighty workings?
-john keats

my entire soul oozes over this excerpt from this keats poem.
he is a poet that makes it quite impossible
to avoid wonder, awe, and heart.
the same goes for his predecessor, william wordsworth.

and now,
announcing my summer class schedule:

{1} the english romantics: wordsworth and keats
{2} poetry workshop

we're only allowed to sign up for two courses
as they will eat up our entire six weeks.
i've already acquired my text books,
which are many and fabulously dense,
so that i can get a head start.

hear ye not the hum
of mighty workings?

{pssst...i'm over at la porte rouge}

come find out what i love today over at la porte rouge...so happy and honored to be there!!

thank you, nadia!

on spring : fresh flowers, antique books, poetry, and women who sing

experiencing 70+ degrees here and blue, blue skies.
this truly is wonderful weather.
the birds wake me with their little songs,
i open up my windows all day long
{unless one of those ubiquitous leaf-blowers comes along...no one here has heard of a rake}.
i listen constantly to jolie, patty, nanci, and gillian.
{excited beyond words for patty's show on the 30th!!!!!!}.
i take my worn books of classics and poetry and eat lunch by the river.
my house is full of fresh flowers,
and i'm making lots of skirts.

it must be spring.

despite my busy weekend, i found time to be idle

i started a little knitting project just to practice:
another scarf.
and since i want to move on from all things square and rectangle
i signed up for a knitting class that starts next month!
when i walked into this knitting store i had to seriously
contain myself to avoid overwhelming the employees with my
sheer joy and giddiness.

i had some time to read about baking bread and gardening in any space.
there is so much to learn!

i learned about the many kinds of bread doughs:
stiff, standard, rustic,
lean, enriched, rich,
yeasted and unyeasted.
all kinds of wheat:
hard or soft, red or white,
winter or spring.
i even had to learn a little math!

i read that the most important component for any garden is
love.
seriously? yes. and i'm not going to question that.
i've picked out the places i will arrange my containers
where they will get plenty of sun.
"the old mantra 'learn the rules before you break them' stands true.
all good gardens follow six golden principles--
repetition, variety, balance, emphasis, sequence, and scale--
in one way or another.
on top of these are secondary elements of color, texture,
form or shape, and smell.
these ideals apply as much to a collection of containers as
to any scale of garden."

and i was able to go to my favorite farmers market
where i found the prettiest spring flowers, rainbow chard, and portabella mushrooms.
it was a good weekend indeed.

have a restful weekend...

i met with a friend this morning about a project we're working on...
i wasn't excited about the meeting beforehand.
but was relieved to find out we are on the same page:
burned out!
i'm just oh so busy working on so many things...mostly for other people.
somehow i started saying "yes" to everything.
that seems to be what people tell you to do:
say yes to it all because you don't want to miss out.
well, i'm going to start saying "no" to it all.
i need to work on some neglected projects of my own
{writing!}
and i have been anxious to get my container garden going
and need to finally learn how to really make bread
like they make it in europe.
as my life goes on, i am hoping to go slower and slower
and to rest and enjoy a garden, homemade bread, writing,
and the company of those closest to me.

my weekend is a bit busy...busier than i prefer.
so i hope to rest whenever possible.

how does your weekend look?
may i suggest you say "no" to something
and stay home and just read a good book
while the weather does its thing?
try it.
and then tell me how it went.

a week of sun brought spring into our lives before a week of rain came down on us today...

the magnolia trees are exploding all over our city.
it's quite beautiful.
the other blossoms are close behind.
i have a feeling we'll be having a prolonged spring...
which is wonderful indeed.

we've had days and days of sun,
but now our much needed rain is back today.

for those of you in the midst of snowy winters,
take a walk in your neighborhood with your
boots, scarves, mittens, and hats for me.
i miss my winter.

an antique book: death and resurrection

i was given an assignment to document
"a day in the life of __________."
i had a hard time coming up with something
interesting to document for a day
since i have no kids, no pets, no 9-5 job.
then i remembered a project i have been wanting
to do for ages:
make a literary corner in our little apartment.
here's the story of the death and resurrection of
an antique book:

i found this perfect abridged 1922 copy of les miserables
at an antique store just around the corner from our home.
$6.
i'll have you know that i had to think long and hard about
tearing this treasure apart.
i've never killed a book like this, or ever really.
books are my dearest friends,
and i definitely have more books than i have friends that are people.
my point is is that this was heart-wrenching for me
to tear out the pages of such a life.
i had to trust myself that this book would serve a greater purpose,
and that this book would just sit on a shelf unnoticed and unloved otherwise.
so i closed my eyes,
and began this painful and dirty job.

as i began to see how lovely this wall would be,
i was oh so grateful for my little book
that made such a sacrifice.
i began to see that i could read favorite passages
every time i sat in my beloved reading chair.

it's spine will sit upon a little table near its pages on the wall,
in memoriam.
and i brought home some white roses
as an offering and a friend for my book and its pages.




it turned out quite beautiful,
at least that's how i feel about it.
it was so very worth it indeed.
but don't worry,
i will not be going on a tearing-up-books frenzy.
one is quite enough.