boston : where it always feels like fall to me and where my heart always seem to find a confident pulse

ah, boston. what a magical place where many dreams reside...dreams that are a
temporary stop on the way to the dream. ceej and i visited institutions and businesses
that will help guide us on our way to creating the life we've always wanted together.
we toured and found out useful and exciting information...can't wait for the next few
months to start on the real dream, the one that makes me most alive just thinking about it.
it's been difficult to concentrate on school because i'm just so ready to jump in.

boston was lovely for us. cool weather, familiar graveyards, new restaurants,
a little shopping, and great views as we walked through the city.
beacon hill is such a favorite of mine. lucky people who get to live there.

my knees are shaking with excitement and the anxiety to get started on dreams,
to get living what i used to think impossible. last night i asked for more courage
than i've ever experienced in my life. as excited as i am i know my demons, my self-doubt...
but i'm so ready to grow up, and claim my brave, ambitious heart.

thank you, boston, for getting my wheels spinning and my heart pulsing.

{love graveyards. and love feist's graveyard... "bring 'em all back to life"}

wishing to visit boston this fall...though next year may be my year

 

this is where my heart is this morning...thinking about all the trips

i've made to boston in fall over the years.

i haven't been in three years. three years! too long indeed.

i think boston is the perfect autumn place to be:

graveyards with gravestones hundreds of years old with the best illustrations,

bright falling leaves carpeting the ground, giving each step a nice swishy crunch,

walden pond nearby, and houses where all the great authors lived,

beacon hill with it's wonderful red-bricked homes and cobblestone streets...

plus, halloween was made for this town.

these photos are from our 2007 visit. 

i think i spend a good hour every day in my head coming up

with ways & reasons to get to boston before halloween comes...

i have a feeling patience is what i'll be having until next year.

i guess i feel a little like harold...due to my obsession with graveyards...

two years ago ceej joined me on my annual
visit to boston.
he took all these fabulous photos of theses graves...
some dating back into the late 1600s!
i love the images...especially the dancing skeletons!

it's totally worth visiting new england just to see
its graveyards. it's oh so fascinating to me...
what hard lives these people lived in the colonies,
but it's all relative, yes?

anyway, love these photos ceej took...
what do you think?

love this city

you walk down uneven bits of cobbled streets,
past red-brick homes full of coziness.
this city is the epitome of fall.
and i miss it.

walking is never tiresome.
it beats with history, tradition, and family.

i dream of living in one of these penthouses...
waking up every morning to walk the centuries-old
neighborhood past centuries-old homes
to warm cafes and weathered bookstores...

perhaps this here would be my little place.
solid. welcoming. warming.

i really can't imagine a dreamier {big} city.
missing my annual trip this year...

maybe next year, boston, i'll come back again.
i sure hope so.

{photos by cj. october 2007}

let's get back to the heart...especially where it's dark

yesterday i broke one of my rules.

i listened to a playlist that is only to be

played in the fall time.

i'm glad i broke the rules.

because it reminded me of the things

that truly make my head and heart swoon:

this first photo we took two years ago

on one of our many visits to boston.

my favorite city in the country.

it's old. i love old things.

the older, the better.

i love walks, especially when they require a scarf.

and my heart sings when it is an overcast/rainy day.

i am finding that i have a bizarre condition:

i get depressed when it is sunny for too long.

my happiness comes from storms and darkness.

it is about august now, and october can't come soon enough.

rainy days mean hearty harvest soups and delicious sandwiches

at lovely cafes. this one here is on beacon hill in boston.


i have always been attracted to death, the dead, and what happens after this earth. usually, i think i would tell people that death does not scare me. but, that is not completely true: i have found that my anxieties over whether or not i will complete everything i want to in this life are a fear of death and time. so, i am reminding myself to slow down, and embrace the phases of life. and, i must add, that i LOVE cemetaries...especially these centuries-old cemetaries in the heart of boston.

oh autumn!
when will you bring rest to my over-heated soul?!
i look forward to cool air, bright colors, and the harvest time.


i need to spend more time in places like this.
surrounded by books
and quiet.
learning what other brains have thought
and what other hearts have felt.


i want to spend more time with people who have experienced life.
i love their stories.
i just want to listen, and listen, and listen.



and, i have been neglecting my goals to get here:
ireland.
where my ancestors are from.
i could learn much about them and about myself
that would bring me great joys.



i am reminded of my goals to have a modest-sized home,
with a garden
on a small road
out of the way.

another dream destination:

estonia.

and the surrounding areas.

this will be well worth your time to watch and listen.

i remember that i want to sing

especially folk songs from america, ireland, and the baltic countries.

yes, i love music.

especially the thoughtful, heartful kind

that comes from places and people

who have known suffering and heartbreak.

this is what i mean when i want to get back to the dark places of the heart:

in the dark places are the places where we hide our suffering.

it is where we are most vulnerable.

but it also where we are the most beautiful,

the most human.

these mysteries of the heart are what bring me chills,

they make me aware of the goodness of a life experience here.

those dark places are my brightest places.

so, i ask for more darkness to bring me light:

more rainy days,

more stories and songs that are from the deep places of the soul,

more mysteries revealed,

more time spent in lovely libraries in dark corners,

more ancient ruins,

more love, more words, more beauty.