a building made for the human voice and how the human voice moves within a body

last week at the end of a class discussion with our professor

about the psalters of the 16th century in england

a classmate mentioned that the tallis scholars would be

performing some arvo part and gregori at christ church

the following night...i literally almost jumped out of my chair,

and i basically shouted "WHAT?!!!!"

i think i may have surprised my very sophisticated professor

with my response...oh well. i think it's quite well known by now

that i get excited about certain things.

so i quickly went and bought my ticket and began counting down the hours.

those of you who have been graciously following my blog know

how obsessed i am with arvo part. i, unfortunately, have never been

in the right place at the right time to hear his music performed live.

so i seriously wanted to cry with joy when i heard that i could sit

in christ church (founded 1525...have to mention that my college was founded 100 years earlier) and listen to my favorite composer performed live.

(and should probably mention that some of harry potter was filmed here).

have you ever been to a vocal performance in a cathedral?

it's the most powerful and real bodily experience i've ever had.

one of the member's of the tallis scholars seems to have perfect pitch

and starts the group out with a single note...i think that may have been

one of my favorite parts: just to have one note pierce my entire body. amazing.

they sang a few magnificats, including arvo part's, during the first half.

the second half was a series of misereres, beginning with gregori allegri's.

for gregori's they positioned the singers at different places in the cathedral.

this was a magic i have never experienced before.

i play this night over and over and over in my head.

i loved walking out of the doors to twilight,

christ church all lit up and beautiful songs in my entire body.

this might possibly be my most beloved experience of my entire summer here in oxford.

let's get back to the heart...especially where it's dark

yesterday i broke one of my rules.

i listened to a playlist that is only to be

played in the fall time.

i'm glad i broke the rules.

because it reminded me of the things

that truly make my head and heart swoon:

this first photo we took two years ago

on one of our many visits to boston.

my favorite city in the country.

it's old. i love old things.

the older, the better.

i love walks, especially when they require a scarf.

and my heart sings when it is an overcast/rainy day.

i am finding that i have a bizarre condition:

i get depressed when it is sunny for too long.

my happiness comes from storms and darkness.

it is about august now, and october can't come soon enough.

rainy days mean hearty harvest soups and delicious sandwiches

at lovely cafes. this one here is on beacon hill in boston.


i have always been attracted to death, the dead, and what happens after this earth. usually, i think i would tell people that death does not scare me. but, that is not completely true: i have found that my anxieties over whether or not i will complete everything i want to in this life are a fear of death and time. so, i am reminding myself to slow down, and embrace the phases of life. and, i must add, that i LOVE cemetaries...especially these centuries-old cemetaries in the heart of boston.

oh autumn!
when will you bring rest to my over-heated soul?!
i look forward to cool air, bright colors, and the harvest time.


i need to spend more time in places like this.
surrounded by books
and quiet.
learning what other brains have thought
and what other hearts have felt.


i want to spend more time with people who have experienced life.
i love their stories.
i just want to listen, and listen, and listen.



and, i have been neglecting my goals to get here:
ireland.
where my ancestors are from.
i could learn much about them and about myself
that would bring me great joys.



i am reminded of my goals to have a modest-sized home,
with a garden
on a small road
out of the way.

another dream destination:

estonia.

and the surrounding areas.

this will be well worth your time to watch and listen.

i remember that i want to sing

especially folk songs from america, ireland, and the baltic countries.

yes, i love music.

especially the thoughtful, heartful kind

that comes from places and people

who have known suffering and heartbreak.

this is what i mean when i want to get back to the dark places of the heart:

in the dark places are the places where we hide our suffering.

it is where we are most vulnerable.

but it also where we are the most beautiful,

the most human.

these mysteries of the heart are what bring me chills,

they make me aware of the goodness of a life experience here.

those dark places are my brightest places.

so, i ask for more darkness to bring me light:

more rainy days,

more stories and songs that are from the deep places of the soul,

more mysteries revealed,

more time spent in lovely libraries in dark corners,

more ancient ruins,

more love, more words, more beauty.