taking time to let this autumn mood settle in : via john keats's "to autumn"


i woke up to a drizzle of raindrops, and went on my run through the sycamore-canopied streets in the dark...not knowing how thick the sky was with clouds--though i did notice i could not see the stars.
i drove to work before any warm light of the sunrise had appeared, but as the sky barely began to light i noticed low misty clouds settling at the base of the mountains, and heading straight up the canyon...
where the snow has started to fall. the first snow. it's here...up there in the mountains.

as usual, there is lots on the to-do list today, but i'm feeling a need to take a break--
to let this autumn settle into my heart. i've been so busy i've hardly had time to enjoy the leaves
changing in the mountains. there's been no baking of pumpkin spice nor has there been any
butternut squash soup. it's been a busy fall, and so now i'm soaking in this gray sky and its mists.

i'm dreaming too. i'm letting myself drift for a bit away from now. i'm imagining future days ahead.
i think about a home--because every fall i feel like i'm ready to put roots down in a small
home with wood floors, white walls, and big windows. i'm ready to have a kitchen to heat up spiced milk while reading ecological, botanical, and musical articles. i'm ready to have an office space to organize, create spreadsheets, make phone calls, and create business cultures that flourish. i'm ready to put pumpkins out on my porch, and set up the gravestones we made last year for halloween. i'm ready to crush up fennel seeds to make my favorite homemade ice cream. i'm ready to see my books stored and organized for me to browse through in the evenings...

but i'm feeling that "miles to go before i sleep" sensation. all of that sounds so comforting right now, and so i'll let it comfort me. because some day i'll have my roots planted. and now...back to now. back to studying in my small little room. back to trying to manage the clutter. back to taking one step at a time. back to appreciating a cup of licorice tea. back to appreciating arvo part's "my heart's in the highlands" piping through my headphones. back to this lovely gray sky and the snow that i know is somewhere up there in the mountains.


shanna said...

I so enjoy the mood of this post and the way you put lines of the poem on the photos. Lovely.

Susan Clark said...

I love your writing; it just lets me be in that moment, that place. Glad you are taking time to enjoy the fall too!

Inge said...

Wonderfully written! It feels like I'm right there with you.
I just noticed yesterday that the leaves have begun to change, that autumn will not wait for me to be ready for it. So taking some time to get ready seems like the right thing to do.

Sera said...

I can really identify with that feeling! Your posts the last week have been so lyrical and beautifully written, while dealing with such intense, human emotion. Thank you for them, they've been warming my heart.

susana said...

Beautiful pics*