this morning i forgave my yesterday self


i usually hide behind photos, not wanting to expose my words so bare.
but today marks a new day of love and courage.
as many of you know, i can give myself a good beating, languishing in mistakes and shortcomings.
however, i am on the approach of trust and determination, releasing analytical judgments.
part of my heart has melted away...the part that was false and full of lies,
leaving my age-old heart to beat deliberately, full of wisdom and pure joy.
i see both heartache and rejoicing ahead,
and i am willing.
more than ever to try.
because i may.
thou mayest*.
i have a song, an ancient choir of voices, strings, and booming drums,
pulsing through my being.
it began in the space around me here on this earth,
and it first pricked the hairs of my skin when my mother
labored my existence,
and it has been sinking slowly, but deeply,
through my pores, into my blood, into my cells,
into my soul
where i dance with beauty
and i dance with terror.
this morning i forgave my yesterday self,
and welcomed possibilities
both challenging and perfect.
i opened up the doors, the windows, the entire roof
to all that dreams can do.
*a reference to steinbeck's east of eden : "I feel that a man [or woman] is a very important thing--maybe more important than a star. This is not theology. I have no bent towards gods. But I have new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul. It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe. It is always attacked and never destroyed--because 'Thou mayest.'"


Paige said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful thought. The Steinbeck quotation is also quite lovely.

nadia said...

dear ann,

i have been going trough a very similar time-way of thinking. it seems to me i do not know how to let me self be, take me off the hook allow myself to just be...
i am trying to learn to forgive but i have never done that yet..

thank you for putting this( u) out there..