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this is vermont : how i realized yet another dream | "o me, o life!"

7.02.2012











































every friday night when i was in high school i would return home late after hanging out with friends,
and i would pop in my favorite movie into the vcr: dead poets' society.
i didn't always stay awake for the entire movie, but there was a comfort in falling asleep to my dreams.
all my teenage heart wanted was to go to a school in beautiful new england
where professors would let poetry drip off their tongues, and ask us to contribute a verse.

so here i am. in new england. listening to professors talk about words, about narrative, about poetry.
yes, dreams come true indeed...

however, it seems that dreams always come with a price.
my cost: homesickness for ceej. i find myself here in a dream, without ceej by my side to share it.
i find that the stress of actually performing academically is difficult for this heart
when i don't have arms to hold me when i doubt my abilities to articulate discoveries and epiphanies
on paper for experts.

dreams are funny that way, yes? it seems they come in piecemeal...
one day i might end up at school with ceej by my side.
but until then i will attempt to get through the loneliness, the stress, and the work
while enjoying the beauties and this dream a bit on my own.

it's beautiful. it's what this 17-year-old girl thought would never happen.
i remind myself that somehow dreams sneak up on you
after years of hoping and working.

hope you had a lovely weekend.
i spent mine swimming in a mountain lake,
and dancing in the barn with friends late into the night...
now the academic storm begins.

9 comments:

Brown Paper Packages said...

Dreams realised are truly sacred gifts... even more so when we consciously greet them and acknowledge their blessings. Cliche would be to say ... well done you - truth would be to state ... You've had this coming all along. What a powerful manifestor you are. Perhaps when Ceej reads this he'll hop a plane & make another dream come true .. til then ... Enjoy, savour and breathe deeply :-)

Cassie said...

Hope you're inspired to let out a few "barbaric yawps" while you're there ;) Lovely. Lovely.

Emily Brisse said...

I quote Dead Poets Society to my students widely and often. Something about that zest that Robin Williams captures so well! Ah. I made need to pull out the old VHS.

So glad you're living Vermont. Gorgeous photos, as always.

ema said...

These images are beautiful and your words inspiring, especially since I share your dream. Whenever I hear someone mention New England my skin jumps a little, as though it were the name of a magical place.
Best of luck to you in your studies and dreaming!

laura said...

Beautiful Vermont! Thank you for sharing!

Camilla Leila said...

ah yes. i do understand what you mean. dreams come at a price, indeed, sometimes.

my brand new husband is off living his - training for London 2012 in Europe - but I had to stay here in CA for my own dreams. Still, I suppose living out these dreams makes us better people...better spouses...right?

Thinking of you.

And always so touched by your words.

Debie Grace said...

Wow, Vermont is beautiful :)

Anonymous said...

I've just read this post and I'm moved. It was exactly what happened to me. I remember the first time I saw DPS, I was 14, and I fell in love with Neil, Todd.. and the colors of Vermont. I was living in the Canary Islands then; beaches, tropical weather, bananas and sun, just the opposite to Vermont. But I had a dream too, and 20 years later I began to live in Boston and I do my PhD in a university that makes me think everyday that I'm a dead poet too. Yes, you are right: dreams come true.

tvmnpic (Instagram)

Ariel Tyler said...

I'm from California, but actually go to UVM! I moved to Burlington, Vermont three years ago. Isn't Vermont just the greatest? Your describing everything I felt when I first moved to Vermont. Thank you so much for sharing this!