how to say goodbye to vermont : lake swimming

classes ended today...and i was especially sad to see my milton class come to an end {more on that later}.
what a beautifully difficult summer i've had. whoo. big sigh. can't believe tomorrow i head home.

so.very.excited.

this afternoon a few of us headed to some mountain water to refresh our minds and bodies
in the cool water and sleep and snooze in the sun. these past few weeks have been a whirlwind,
and it's rather jarring for it to come to a complete halt. i think my breath is still trying to catch up.

i'm off to find some lovelies to play the guitar and sing with on one of our porches.
should be a wonderfully low-key evening.

see you in a couple of days...back in my mountains.

four more days here in beautiful vermont

these are the last days. i've got milton on the brain: free will, choice, obedience,
falling, standing, eating, timing, standing and waiting, hand in hand, paradise,
garden, toil, labor, ambition, vanity, contrition, adoration, mercy.
milton was a genius. every line packed with so much to interpret. love.


soon all my papers will be handed in, and monday and tuesday will leave
me merely to enjoy lively discussions in class...


then wednesday it's home. home to ceej. home to the west. home to my mountains.
i'm listening to ray lamontagne preparing for the road trips ahead
at the end of the summer and into the fall. i can hardly wait.


can't wait to follow my instinct--despite how frightening instinct can be.
willing to take as many steps as i can, even if sometimes they're in the wrong direction.
perfect is boring. instinct is brave.

you can find me in the library, by my window, or on the grass...or on instagram

phew! i've made it through the initial crisis: feeling overwhelmed and like my brain has officially been left behind in the last decade or two...maybe i never actually matured intellectually past the age of fourteen?!
i've been researching--reading the same seven dense pages over and over again: reading it silently in the library, reading it aloud in my room next to the window, writing down key words so that i can feel them in my body...and i think i'm finally making some awe-some connections between the literary criticism and the literature itself. i think i can love mr. milton again. i almost threw him out the window.

today, my ultimate savior: the o.e.d. (oxford english dictionary).
there's nothing that will get my brain going as quickly as looking up every single word in a poem
to find out every possible meaning and application possible within a syllable or two.
"in the beginning was the word." i'm pretty sure this passage was talking about the o.e.d.
bless the literature gods!

so, in case you haven't noticed, it's been difficult for me to find time to post here on the blog
due to my scholarly abduction. but i do try to update my instagram feed at least a couple times a day.
so come see me there. in the meantime i'll try to get some more paris photos up this weekend,
and try to stop by now and then to give you the report of my time here at school in vermont.

happy weekend!
{we'll be taking a little excursion to stowe, and hopefully stopping by to see good ol' ben&jerry}

this is vermont : how i realized yet another dream | "o me, o life!"

every friday night when i was in high school i would return home late after hanging out with friends,
and i would pop in my favorite movie into the vcr: dead poets' society.
i didn't always stay awake for the entire movie, but there was a comfort in falling asleep to my dreams.
all my teenage heart wanted was to go to a school in beautiful new england
where professors would let poetry drip off their tongues, and ask us to contribute a verse.

so here i am. in new england. listening to professors talk about words, about narrative, about poetry.
yes, dreams come true indeed...

however, it seems that dreams always come with a price.
my cost: homesickness for ceej. i find myself here in a dream, without ceej by my side to share it.
i find that the stress of actually performing academically is difficult for this heart
when i don't have arms to hold me when i doubt my abilities to articulate discoveries and epiphanies
on paper for experts.

dreams are funny that way, yes? it seems they come in piecemeal...
one day i might end up at school with ceej by my side.
but until then i will attempt to get through the loneliness, the stress, and the work
while enjoying the beauties and this dream a bit on my own.

it's beautiful. it's what this 17-year-old girl thought would never happen.
i remind myself that somehow dreams sneak up on you
after years of hoping and working.

hope you had a lovely weekend.
i spent mine swimming in a mountain lake,
and dancing in the barn with friends late into the night...
now the academic storm begins.

goodbye west...hello vermont

i spent the last few days with ceej in our mountains out west. i couldn't have asked
for better days. we ate lots of yummy food, spoiled each other with little luxuries,
ran on mountain country roads while the sun set, and hung out at a beautiful lake.
my favorite part? dancing with ceej late at night at the cabin. that's the moment i
want to last forever and ever and ever.

early this morning i had to say goodbye to ceej...never an easy thing to do, and always
accompanied by tears and doubts...why am i going away again for school?
but i come anyway. this is my third summer in grad school.
the first year i went to beautiful and eclectic asheville, north carolina.
last year i realized a life-long dream and studied at oxford.
and this year...here i am in vermont. it's green, it's beautiful, and it's remote.
as i study milton and wright i'll take time to run on the robert frost trail,
swim in lakes, and dip my toes in rivers. but mostly, i'll be studying my brains out.

i'm trying to take advantage of the calm before the storm. classes start wednesday.



{p.s. i still have lots of paris photos to share...stay tuned!}