On the Threshold of Dreams


I hope you don't mind a longer post...some thoughts from my heart and mind lately. I'd really appreciate a chance to think aloud about things I dream of and hope for.

Lately I have been feeling the extreme highs and lows of being at a threshold--at the beginning of things that are absolutely terrifying yet beautiful at the same time. Dreams. What are my dreams? I must admit that over time my dreams have changed as I've gained experience, and I'm sure they will change again in the future. So I will tell you the dreams I have today for my tomorrows.

One dream I have is also my biggest anxiety. I would love more than anything to go to graduate school somewhere in the British Isles to study Medieval British Literature. Yes, indeed. I want to fill my days with heroism and ideals--to read stories that are beautiful, and that inspire. I also want to find out the dark side of things, and by "dark" I don't necessarily mean "evil"...I mean "hidden", "mysterious", and "ancient". I, as every human being does, love things that make my heart swell with goodness. But I also love the dark mysteries that are to be sought out. Realizing this dream is oh so difficult somedays. I can be consumed with feelings of inadequacy and cynicism. I can be tempted with mediocrity..."isn't nine years trying to complete undergrad schooling enough?" "I don't need to teach history or literature...I'll be a secretary if need be." No! This would be the death of me. I feel very much at a threshold here, at a place I need to push through and live deliberately.

I want to teach yoga to people who have not the money to practice yoga at a studio. I want to show people how they can access their soul through opening up their bodies and their hearts. I want people to find healing where they need it, and to learn how to share the joy of suffering. I so easily put this dream aside waiting for the perfect space to teach, or waiting for a city we can finally "settle down" in. I need to embrace NOW, and invite people to my limited space in my home.

I want to be involved in politics. I want to be a journalist of some sort, perhaps simply writing op-eds. I want to have dialogues between groups of different opinions. This is scary. I know only a handful of people in my community, and there are hostile feelings currently because of election results. I want to help people understand each other and to understand sustainable policies. I am mustering up the courage to place fliers around the city announcing a weekly group meeting for any people interested in opening up the dialogue.

I want to eat fresh, local, organic food. I want to learn how to make food that will truly feed people. This should be easy, especially since I live in a place where local fresh produce is available year-round. Sheesh.

My all-encompassing dream is to live a sacred and deliberate life. Filled with family, friends, and strangers. I want a life filled with the beauties of nature, and the beauty of words. My dream is to embrace the ebb and the flow of life.

These are only a few of my many dreams. There are more that I might feel inclined to share later. Or not. We shall see.

I'll begin all of this today. Right now. Had this Goethe quote in my head all morning, "To think is easy. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking."

Loves to all of you. I hope you too will vow to live your dreams TODAY!


liz said...

yes, action is always the hardest part!

Linds said...

what a challenge you have placed before us. For me, my dreams are a bit simple, but they are my reality and I hope that while they won't change the world, they will change mine. Thanks again for an inspired post! Love to you.

Natalie said...

What a wonderful post! Thanks Ann! If anyone can accomplish their dreams, you can. I've always admired your passion and determination. Sometimes I feel like I will never accomplish all my dreams because I have a certain reality to face everyday, but then I remember, my reality is part of my dreams and if I keep working I can have it all and even more. Some might laugh at my dreams and call them old fashioned and not progressive enough for the time I live in, but my dreams are from my soul. That is all that matters. "There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent, nor hinder, nor control the firm resolve of a determined soul." I learned this from the GREAT Vaughn Alvey years ago and I live by it! Sorry to go off there. I just loved your post!

Dee said...

I can see you doing all of these things. I think your dreams will become reality.

What a great idea to have a discussion night!! I love it, and yes that would be so, SO brave of you. DO it! I bought End of America and I'm devouring it as fast as I can. I'll never be the same after this book, and after all of the vast knowledge you have exposed me to. You are a light, for sure. You have helped me find courage to become active in politics. You inspire!

Keep sharing your dreams!

Katie said...

Yep.... I think you should go after every single one of your dreams. You have so much to give.

sarah and james said...

Great post anna banana. you are so beautiful! I know that you can and will accomplish what you dream. I am so happy God placed you and CJ in our lives. we miss you.