had to share...

photo by me. summer solstice 2008.

was just reading from storming the gates of paradise: landscapes for politics. really, rebecca solnit says everything i want to say. she's oh so brilliant like that. she moves the heart effortlessly through the voice. here's a little something she writes--my heart has been feeling this for a couple years now, and she finally put it into words for me:

Ursula K. LeGuin once noted, "To light a candle is to cast a shadow." Conversely, it's in the dark that faint light shines, starlight, candlelight, fireflies, the bioluminescence of the sea. I don't want to reverse the binaries, to make darkness good and light problematic. I want a language and an imagination where they are not enemies but perhaps dance partners, whirling each other around this globe that spends half its time away from the sun in night. I want people to remember how photography works, the medium that depends on perfect darkness within the camera to capture the image, for an image of boundless light would be purely black, and exposure in perfect darkness would show just the white of unexposed paper. The visible world depends on both.

Wonderful, isn't it?

Manifesto Monday: light

photo by me. graduation party. may 2009.

after four months of 17 credit-hours, and following an intense week of finals, i had a bit of a breakdown. yes, revisiting my detailed class notes, skimming text books, and then organizing all of it into something meaningful and cohesive made my entire body cramp up until my heart felt heavy.

graduation day was an emotional day. i kept holding back tears so that the strangers sitting next to me wouldn't know that i am a sad, sad tear faucet. i cried inside as this beautiful woman (and student) said,

Now is another hour to acknowledge the potential of this present liminal threshold, and make another choice. Bless God for every moment, every trial, every challenged doubt, every brick heavy textbook, every debate, and every heart break. Your very state right now is the culminated future of your history. And blessedly, there's growth to go. Donald Revell said, "The present is prophetic, it presents the future to itself." There is more happening now than your bones readying to stabilize your form so you can culminate this ceremony. Step forward and present the next lesson to itself."

i felt oh so overwhelmed. now what was i supposed to do with my life? all those feelings of inadequacy surrounded my heart and began to strangle it...it was a difficult day. hardly the celebratory feelings i had suspected to have.

thank the heavens ceej had planned a party. the heaviness of the day was starting to really wear on me. as soon as we began to talk with good friends, i began to feel light. i could tell them my fears and worries (which they share), and i felt every doubt leave my bones. i could breathe a bit again. then, came the most healing part of the night: dancing.

oh, how i've missed dancing. i wish there were more classes for adults around. as we moved in silly and, quite honestly, embarassing manners, i began to feel my heart sing. there's something about moving the body spontaneously that makes me feel light and light-hearted. it heals me.

so when i get back to california next week, i am searching high and low for a modern dance class for adults (anyone know of any?). as i search for what to do with my life, i will bring balance to my life through dancing. dancing makes us light. this i believe.