tess : "i am ready"

every time someone saw me with "tess" in my hands,
and my eyes deliberately soaking in every word, they gave
me some kind of warning, "be ready to read something happy afterwards"
or "oh, poor tess!...have you read such-and-such yet?...it's terrible."
i guess these warnings might have turned me away, but i rather
like a story of heartache and suffering...because it is so much part of us.

before la porte rouge offered this book as our first read
tess had sat patiently on my shelf, and i was completely ignorant of her...
each page was a surprise, a true unfolding of a life before my eyes.

i fell in love. how can you not when you read of her perfect lips
and love of melody? how can you not love a woman who indeed
was full of virtue? what strength and forbearance she possessed.

i loved dreaming about her hard labor on the farm as she fell
deeply, madly in love with a gentleman. i too cried when
angel left her and she protected his good name.
i cherished every moment she had of her last days
with him as they fled and hid in forests and a mansion.

i knew that as soon as she offered her body upon
that ancient altar she was done for. i wept.
tess, least despised of them all. most loved forever more.

often as i read i had my warm spiced milk,
thinking of tess and all the many women in this world
who suffer such a life this very day...the victims of
social injustices. it's international women's day...
and i will celebrate tess and those who struggle
to keep their heads high as they have been cast so low.

and now, onward. onward to jane.

a walk to beautiful...and my luxury to cry

i love being a woman.

my heart broke and opened to an even larger sphere when i watched this documentary. i cried, and thought of what a luxury it is to weep, to admit heart break. these women go through so much heart break. i believe their hearts have broken so much that they can feel on a level that i would be lucky to know.

watch the documentary here or here. a wonderful way to spend a friday night.

how to help.

{p.s. the cellos cry in the background...so beautiful}

{p.p.s. my fourth nephew was born early this morning...six weeks early! mom and baby are well. so grateful. so happy to be a woman.}

i love being a woman : sabriel {from earth verbatim}

1. Children are a beauty. I have the capacity to carry them within me,
grow them from my own soul.

2. the inexplicable pull i feel towards others.
I have love as deep as an ocean in my heart.

3. Intuition. I care for people, almost too much at times.
I can feel others feelings with such acuteness, it makes me ache.
But I wouldn't give it up for anything.

4. I get to be a work of art! Wearing beautiful skirts and dresses with long flowing hair
makes me feel like a fairy.
I love to drift around and pretend that I am a painting.

5. Other women. Our great Mother has brought us all together and lets us feel
the power of each others souls.

6. I am allowed to cry. Not that men aren't, but I'm almost expected to.
And believe you me, I take full advantage.

7. Everything feels like everything to me.
Mother Nature brings me to my knees,
children leave me breathless,
and the warmth of my husband makes me weak. I can feel!

8. We are fighters and we are strong, but we still need to be taken care of.
Pride is not in our blood.

9. My own mother makes me proud to be a woman.
The wealth of wisdom and love that she has poured out upon my hungry soul has made me
who I am. I have seen her struggle and overcome,
she has taught me what it is to be a mother, child, wife, and woman.

10. Someday I will go back to my Mother Earth.
She will embrace me and I will become like her, one with her.
I love being a woman, because it is beautiful. It is fullness.

thank you, sabriel!!
isn't she beautiful?
maybe some day i'll be fortunate enough to meet her in person.

i love being a woman : laura lawrence {scientist, generous hostess, bright light}

laura saves me in so many ways...mostly from loneliness.
i love going to her very cute apartment for to-die-for-dinners
or even having her over to my out-dated apartment for a lesser meal.
she is good for my heart here.
we can talk about all those things you're not supposed to talk about with
acquaintances: politics, religion, environmentalism, etc.
i unload on her usually.
and she kindly listens, and teaches me knew things.
laura saves me.

here is her list of reasons she loves being a woman:

1. Wearing pearl necklaces and long flowing skirts

2. Having a nurturing instinct

3.Instinctively knowing things because my female intuition is at work

4.The possibility of feeling babies grow inside my belly

5. The way men feel compelled to lift heavy objects for me
(My feminist nature used to protest, but now I see this as a way that men can honor
both a woman's strengths and weaknesses.)

6. The example I set for little girls that a woman can become anything she wants to be

7.The insights about people and situations that I'm able to contribute in the workplace,
and that my male coworkers sometimes miss

8. The friendships I have with other strong women--close female friends share a bond
that is different from other relationships

9. Being a mother, even without children of my own

10. A certain sensitivity to things that are beautiful



lovely list, laura! thank you!

{photo by me...as are most photos on this site, unless otherwise noted}

i love being a woman : dianne, my sweet mom {organist, pianist, gardener, quilter, writer, as a little girl, prayed every night to become a faerie}

so this will be the most difficult introduction yet...
how do i succinctly say everything there is to know about my mom?!
first of all,
you must know that she has a wonderful sense of humor
and loves to laugh with her family. she often laughs herself to tears.
she is a believer...of everything and everyone.
she can play anything on the piano or organ that you hand her...
you should have been at her organ recital when she blew everyone
away with bach's toccata and fugue in d minor
{of course my mom plays the organ...the most wonderful and powerful instrument there is}.
my mother is wise beyond anyone i've ever met...
she knows what this world is all about--what can be seen and what can't be seen.
she is quick to learn, and humbly admits when she is wrong.
her fierce love of her kids is remarkable...considering what we've put her through.
she's known as "mama" to all of our childhood and neighborhood friends.
if you ever meet her, you'll easily fall into conversation with her
and feel you can do anything. she just has a magic touch.
i am always in awe of her natural beauty.
she's never been one to wear makeup.
and her hair is the most wonderful silver...been that way
since i can remember.
if i'm lucky i'll go gray early like she did.

i want to go on and on...but we should get to her list.
it says so much about her.

The reasons I love being a woman have to do with what I saw and heard
from my mother and grandmother...

1. I love being a daughter to a mother and grandmother who knew how to comfort and aid the women in their community.

2. I loved learning of how women helped each other by listening to
the stories of my grandmother helping her neighbors deliver their babies,
relieving the suffering of their sicknesses.

3. I love knowing that during WWII, the women in my family organized themselves
to take care of the home while their husbands went to war.
My Grandmother was Relief Society president so every morning the bishop would call her
with a list of women that needed help. She would spend the day helping them.
My aunt had a job and helped bring in some money.
My mother had a baby and so she stayed home and took care of the home.

4. I loved singing lullabyes to my babies.

5. I loved sitting on the bed of the youngest child,
with all my children gathered around and reading stories to them.
This always led to conversations about what worried them or
what funny things happened to them.

6. I love being able to help my aging mother by combing her hair,
giving her a bath, all the while laughing about what is not fun about aging.

7. I loved having my children bring me potato bugs, dandelions,
blossoms off the trees for evidence of their love to me.

8. I loved working with other women sewing children's pajamas,
embroidering pillow cases, dish towels for service projects.

9. I loved creating to beautify life such as quilting, crocheting;
thinking of having a warm comforter to comfort.

10. I love that I can still nurture and watch flowers and vegetables grow after all
you children have grown up and you aren't as needy as you once were.
There are always places to be and things and people to nurture and care for.

thank you, mom, for such a beautiful list!
don't you want to visit her and
quilt with her for an afternoon?
if you ask her, she'll play her organ for you.

{color photos by my brother, dan}

to read more about my mom click here.

i love being a woman : kate kelly {law student, activist, theme party goddess, amy goodman's new best friend}

let's just get it out there.
i've always had a crush on kate.
she seems to do it all:
working so hard to get into law school, working so hard in law school,
volunteering and protesting for good causes left and right,
reading good books and writing witty posts,
travelling, travelling, travelling,
living it up in washington dc...
going to the only law school founded by women!
and she hosts the most amazing parties you have ever been to.
hands down. oh, the costumes!!
kate will save the world for sure.
and she happens to be a woman.
aren't we proud?!

here are kate's reasons she loves being a woman:

Love the blog. Love your project. I saw them & thought,
"Oh, I could never come up with 10." Then I paused and thought,
"no wait... ain't I a woman?"

1. We are our conversations.
A conversation can be THE activity.
Said conversation can last, and last and last...
and if I'm with other women, no one tires of it.

2. We wear skirts. Skirts are really the best clothing item imaginable...
like wearable cupcake paper sleeves that leave your legs so free!

3. We dress up. Dressing up is part of my daily routine
and glitter is a socially acceptable accessory.

4. We cry. Tears communicate so many things. Sadness, joy, empathy.
Sometimes tears are the only adequate reaction,
and I love being able to cry.

5. We are expected to be compassionate.
{if only it were expected of all humans!}

6. We are curious. We learn and grow and do so many things
and are so many roles in one lifetime.

7. We are courageous. So women pursue their path with quiet dignity
willing to be, in the words of Susan B., "anything or nothing in the
estimate of the world..."

8. We sing harmonies. There is really just nothing like the sound
made by two ladies and a guitar.

9. We are divine. In the glorious words of Sojourner Truth,
"Where did your Christ come from?
Where did your Christ come from?
From God and a woman!
Man had nothing to do with Him."





thank you, kate!
my crush just multiplied exponentially.

i love being a woman : holly jo hackett {creative writer, ski junky, flower lover, and crochet professional to the max}

meet holly jo.
she's oh so beautiful. oh so happily contagious,
showering you with her love for life.
if you are ever having a dance party, or any party for that matter,
you want this woman there.
she will read any poem you hand her,
dance when you simply make eye contact with her,
she'll bake up the most wonderful thing you've ever tasted,
and give you a homemade crocheted hat at the end of the night.
she will make your heart light,
and make sure you are well taken care of.
she tries to eat you when she gets excited...
and she gets excited about almost everything,
which is why i love her to death.
she is wise. she is kind.
you'll want to be her friend too.

here's her wonderful, beautiful list of why she loves being a woman:

1. the shape of our bodies

2. holding a baby in my belly one day.
growing, loving, and sharing each others movements.

3. diversity of identity:
i love skiing during the day, and dancing in a dress during the evening.

4. our connection with the moon, the cycle of the earth and women.
lucky for us, we are naturally connected to our Mother Earth.

5. comforting and being comforted by a sister. like nothing else.

6. feeling small next to a boyfriend.

7. heartfelt emotions.
the ability to cry when i'm sad, and not knowing how to stop laughing when i'm happy.

8. long red hair.

9. flowers and lavender and small dainty dishes.

10. dancing.

most of all, i can say that my intuition is what i cherish most.
the intuition that only exists when my mind runs parallel with my heart.
the intuition which holds a child and cries for their pain,
laughs for their joy,
and hopes a never-ending hope for their happiness.
oh the love and devotion of women!
thank you for thinking of me.
i love you and any woman who has cried for you,
laughed for you,
held you in her arms,
and hoped that never-ending hope which shaped you
to be such an adorable, loving woman.

{image sources unknown}

thank you so so much, dear holly jo.
i included that last part because it made me think of my mother,
probably the woman who has cried most for me
and hoped a "never-ending hope" for me more than anyone else.
thanks for making me remember my mother more fiercely today.

i love being a woman : mo edwards {natural cowgirl, artist, singer/songwriter, most sincere and brilliant heart you'll ever encounter}

self-portrait by mo

no woman should go through life without a girlfriend like mo.
she'll do anything with you and anything for you.
she'll sing harmony with you and make you sound like a pro.
she'll tell you you're beautiful and ask you to sit for a portrait.
she writes songs that make your heart weep and your feet tap all at the same time.
her art is simultaneously personal yet universal and awe-some.
she shows up to your autumnal equinox parties dressed as an acorn
and comes to all your other possibly lame-o parties and rescues them with her presence.
she laughs at all your jokes, especially the dumb ones.
she knows what you want to say before you even say it,
but she listens anyway.
she's elegant and beautiful like no one else i know.
a woman to the core.
she is currently the artist in residence at this ranch
and...she just got engaged to the sweetest man!!
so happy for her.
here is her wonderful, wonderful list:

my feelings and experiences as a woman

1. Women are intuitive: they know without being told, they can see withheld tears, they can hear unsaid words.

2. I have a temper that I rarely speak of.

3. I hiked naked with some girlfriends once and we giggled the whole time.

4. Women have to continually reconstruct what it means to be a woman, and then continually deconstruct ideas of femininity.

5. I know a woman who had a double mastectomy because of breast cancer, and now she goes running with out a shirt or a bra.

6. I know a mother who had a horrible year, but instead of it destroying her, she somehow became more like herself.

7. I love hugging my mom and listening to her heartbeat. I love it when she braids my hair.

8. I feel too childlike to be a woman.

9. I don't like wearing shoes or brushing my hair.

10. For Christmas my grandma gives me poetry that she writes and her old jewelry. And also free stuff she gets in the mail.

this is one of my favorite songs mo wrote...
there's a couple false starts on this video,
it really picks up at about 50 seconds.
this was our 2008 autumnal equinox fest...it was a favorite night of mine.

thank you so much, mo, for sharing your list
and for being such a beautiful woman and friend.


mo working this past summer at the salt lake city farmers' market

p.s. mo is the dear friend i owe the most gratitude to...

she introduced me to ceej.

life will be perfect if i can have these two in my life

forever and ever.

i love being a woman : jeanette cuthbert {family lover, budding graphic designer, gets a job because she says she loves chubby babies}

anna page photography


sweet, sweet jeanette!
this woman gushes over her nieces and nephews,
loves making doughnuts with her mother,
and is head over heels for her less-than-a-year husband.
i am inspired by her willingness to pursue her dreams
while she works full time.
go jeanette!

here's her list of why she loves being a woman:

1. Communication. Most women I know seem to be great at communicating their hopes, fears and feelings, it seems to come natural to females. I'm a big fan of communication.

2. Emotions. Oh, the emotions of a woman!! I love the fact that my out of control emotions can be understood by other women. Talk about camaraderie!

3. Dressing up!! Pretty dresses, colored tights, button earrings. Putting together a satisfactorily cute outfit is one of those things that just makes me have a happy heart.

4. Compassion. I am so grateful for compassion, it helps me put myself in others shoes easily and feel for them, I feel like compassion is another quality that comes naturally to women.

5. The softening effect women have on men. Watching my sweet Grandpa melt around my Grandma, she is in a nursing home now because she needs constant care, and when he sees her he gets tears in his eyes and he hugs her and kisses her soft cheeks and tells her, "You are so beautiful!" And then he'll look at us and say, "Isn't she just so beautiful?!" Absolutely precious.

6. Zooey Deschanel. Love her! Love sharing "woman-ness" with someone as darling and talented as she!! Love the line in one of her songs, "What can you do with a sentimental heart?"

7. Sister. Daughter. Aunt Netti. When I get together with my mom and sisters, we are so giggly and our personalities just mesh perfectly. I just love them to pieces. I also love being "Aunt Netti" to my 15 nieces and nephews.

8. I love being Jesse's wife. I feel like a lucky girl.

9. Being a bride!! Oh my!! I loved being a bride! I must say, getting my pictures done whilst in my wedding dress was one of my all time favorite things I've ever done in my life!!

10. Chocolate! Enough said.


thank you jeanette!!

i love being a woman : zina bennion {world traveller, lover of teens, chef extraordinaire, infectious love for life}

oh, zina! where to begin this introduction?
i'd first like it known that we are related...third or fourth cousins
{we share the same great-grandmother who is zina's namesake}
and we share a beautiful landscape in the uinta mountains.
zina and i always seem to just miss each other,
only having a moment here and there.
someday we will sit down forever at the cabin together
and our hearts will speak to no end, and we'll laugh our bellies sore.

zina comes from wonderful artist parents in a wonderful small town.
she's one of those women who grabs life whole-heartedly
and has infinite courage and confidence...
in this day and age of the "life coach" i would pay zina
the big bucks to whip me into emotional, spiritual, and physical shape.
she works with kids, a lot.
day after day she gets kids outside, moving, serving.
she is a big force behind this service ranch
that teaches kids the value of manual labor and service.
the kids love it!
as i said before, she travels, travels, travels.
her next trip, in two weeks, will be to france!
aren't we all jealous?!

well, i could go on and on and on,
but here is zina's list of ten reasons she loves being a woman:

these are in no particular order and some are serious and some are
just funny . . . but all true.

1. i love being a woman because girls just smell nicer and their skin
is softer and their hair is silkier.

2. i love being a woman because you can be a total tom boy and work
hard and play hard and act like a teen boy, and then take a shower and
put on a pretty skirt and feel like a girl.

3. i love being a woman because women like to talk, to each other, to
men, to children, to animals, i love those deep conversations where we
talk about our 'feelings'.

4. i love being a woman because i can cry openly and freely whenever i need to.

5. i love being a woman and experiencing the wonderful synergistic
companionship that comes from knowing and loving men.

6. i love being a woman because i have the capacity to bear fruit.
this amazes me.

7. i love being a woman because i love to nurture and care for all
creatures and feel connected to them.

8. i love being a woman because i am a daughter of our 'glorious
mother eve' and divine parents

9. i love being a woman because i love taking care of bodies by
growing, harvesting, and cooking good food.

10. i love being a woman because of the rich traditions that bind
women together through working and talking together in kitchens on
porches in living rooms while knitting, and everywhere.

aren't you all in love with her?!
thank you, beautiful cousin zina.

photos stolen from zina's facebook page

i love being a woman : amy lee {graduate student, doula, gardener, and just plain passionate}

photo stolen from amy's facebook page. can we still be friends?

i met amy years ago...back then she was "pamy"...long story.
i knew she knew just about everything there is to know in life.
she was passionate about things i was secretly passionate about,
and things that i didn't even know i was passionate about.
every word that emerges from her mouth is interesting, beautiful, and witty.
you really should check out her blog.
it makes me laugh all.the.time.

you are going to love amy's list:

I love the concept of this exercise and I'm having a very surprisingly difficult time penning a list. Weird, I know. As I reflect on my experience, I think it is because I usually think of my woman-love as things I love about women, not so much things I love about being one.

Women, I love you because:

1. Damn. You look good.

2. You grew a human being in your abdomen. Why don't we just take a minute to think about that?

3. Your breasts make food. FOOD.

4. You're the only one who can sing a song and make it sound right.

5. You always seem to have something interesting to say. Please, tell me what you think!

6. I love making you laugh. You've got a pretty smile.

7. I would kill anyone who ever hurt you if it would help.

8. You're sweet to think it was your fault, but it almost never is.

9. I want to be your neighbor. Let's potluck dinner on Fridays!

10. We are best friends forever.



aren't you in love with her too?!
thank you, amy!

i love being a woman : olivia clark {foodie, yoga instructor, thoughtful & loyal friend}

photo source unknown

i met liv at my favorite yoga studio about three and a half years ago.
we knew some of the same people, and would chat here and there.
i had a serious girl crush. for sure.

just a year or two later our paths crossed again when
she began dating one of cj's favorite skiing buddies.
we were thrilled, and hoped it would work out between the two...

months later, after dating, breaking up, and a movie-like make-up
these two finally decided to make the plunge into marriage.
i get giddy just thinking of how exciting their story is.

liv offers so much. she has the greatest listening ear, and knows how to empathize. i know of no one more eager to give and to love. and she has the most wonderful laugh. so grateful to call her friend.

here's her top ten reasons:

10 reasons why i'm happy to be a woman- or 10 things that make me very happy-

1. girlfriends- i have lovely, talented, loyal, hilarious girlfriends that can make me laugh till my sides hurt even when i'm sad.

2. mom- my mom is the most gracious, selfless person i know- i'm finally past the point of cringing when i catch myself doing things like her- now i hope i can be as generous and strong in my life and marriage as she has been.

3. grandma judy- she taught me about the beauty of simple things- a pitcher of sun tea on the back porch- her straw flip-flops on the hardwood floor early in the morning- the sound of her humming while she cooks breakfast- a magnolia floating in an earthenware bowl on her dining room table. she is elegant.

4. women who write and paint and create but mostly women who are wise and good and kind and patient

5. pretty clothes- i just love girl clothes

6-7. nurturing anyone who will let me- i love this quote about two women from 'my antonia'- "They had strong, independent natures, both of them. They knew what they liked, and were not always trying to imitate other people. They loved children and animals and music, and rough play and digging in the earth. They liked to prepare rich, hearty food and to see people eat it: and to make up soft white beds and to see youngsters asleep in them"....so nice.

8. a dad who i cherish and who taught me that nail polish and big hair were not what he considered beautiful. most of the time i feel prettiest when my nails are plain and my hair is a mess and my husband is looking at me like i'm adorable and strange and funny all at the same time.

9. the possibility of having a baby someday- how lucky and amazing to grow a baby inside this body.

10. cody- i feel proudest when he lays his head in my lap at the end of a long day and falls asleep. it feels like i'm giving him something that no one else can- it's kinda great.



by the way, i still have a girl crush on this woman!
see one of my favorite outings with liv here and here
see a bit of their wedding here.

i love being a woman : sarah sample {singer/songwriter, mommy, fierce friend}

photo by russ dixon

i met sarah during orientation week as a freshman in college.
sarah rescued this awkward and shy little woman from a lonely fate.
i am forever grateful for her, and her constant friendship.

that's when i first heard her sing. i was overcome with a buzz all over my body.
she's come so far with her music career:
winning awards, playing at folk festivals, and, most recently,
playing on the amazing cayamo cruise along with
emmylou harris, lyle lovett, brandi carlile,
darrell scott, and rachael yamagata.
her music will make you swoon.
trust me.

and, best of all,
she's a mama of the cutest little june-bug ever,
and married to a brilliant and kind man.

without further ado, here's sarah's top ten reasons
she loves being a woman:

this is harder than I thought it would be to answer...because I feel like if I generalize about what is typical of women, than it is not always true etc.

but here are a few thoughts about my experience being a woman

1. the title of 'mother' is given to women. maybe the most beautiful word I know of..."Mother", certainly hearing my child scream 'mommy' and run into my arms is to feel heaven open up.

2. I was given the blessing of carrying my child through pregnancy. Feeling her first move. Suffering through the sick months and watching my body change in order to make the ultimate creation, a child.

3. I love that I am a daughter to a mother who is kind and ever loving.

4. the title of 'Sister' is pretty rad. I love my sister and I feel like we have a bond beyond siblings...the title of sister gives us plenty to laugh about and certainly invites crying.

5. I have felt the influence of incredible women shape and mold my life and heart...starting with my single mom... and certainly the list never ends with women who inspire me to be better.

6. patty griffin is a woman. and my favorite songwriter.

7. I love feeling desirable by my husband. I would hope that I have a few tricks up my sleeve being a woman that keeps a marriage of 7 years still interesting.

8. I feel like the hearts of women lend themselves easily to compassion and generosity.

9. I believe I have a Heavenly Mother.

10. We can soften a Grandfather's heart faster than most.

11. Gift of Girlfriends. I am a pledged believer in having girlfriends always be part of my life and keepers of my sanity.

thank you, dear sarah.

manifesto monday: introducing "project: i love being a woman"

a couple of weeks ago i listened to eve ensler talk about
"embracing your inner girl"
and i was reminded yet again why i love being a woman.
so i thought we'd try an experiment:
write down the top 10 {or more} reasons
why it is a wonderful gift to be a woman.

i want all of you to participate.
here's how:
1. write down the top ten reasons you love being a woman
2. email me lady.of.lorien9@gmail.com your 10 reasons,
AND a photo of yourself or something that represents you
{if you have a hard time choosing a photo you want to send,
i will find a beautiful image to display with your list}.

i've already asked a handful of women to participate,
and i hope you, dear readers, will contribute too.
i will be posting all of your reasons as often
as i receive them and as often as i am able to.
let's try to keep this going as long as we can.
there's nothing i love more than celebrating womanhood.

i will start us off.
here are my top ten reasons i love being a woman:

1. i share a strong bond with "the mother of all living."

2. mother earth and all of her creation and destruction are a source for my own ability to cleanse and create, and a symbol for my strength and imagination.

3. change is our nature. a static life is unbearable.

4. i cycle with the moon.

5. wisdom is feminine.

6. compassion is feminine.

7. "i am an emotional creature"

8. i share this stage with the likes of susan b. anthony, joan of ark, emma goldman, virginia woolf, emily dickinson, rosa parks, harriet tubman, beatrix potter, emily, anne and charlotte bronte, mother jones, emmeline pankhurst, elizabeth cady stanton, sojourner truth, mary elizabeth lease, ida b. wells-barnett, helen keller, billie holiday, alice walker, georgia o'keefe, cynthia mckinney, naomi wolf and on and on and on...

9. there is nothing like hearing a woman hum her soul, soft yet strong.

10. we are strong. we are insightful. we are wise.
we can change our world.

now, it's your turn.

email me
lady.of.lorien9@gmail.com