Back & Forth


I am oh so bewildered at how quickly my moods can change (maybe many of you have already noticed this about me!). For example, this morning I met with one of my professors in hopes she could help me figure out what to do with my life...M.A. or Ph.D? Teach high school or university? I told her that ideally I would teach at a university....BUT...I feel way too inadequate to even apply for graduate school. Her response: GET OVER IT! So, I went away from that meeting feeling that I could do anything. By my third class of the day, my thoughts did a complete turn-about. Old fears siezed my heart, and I almost stopped breathing just thinking about the catch-up I'd have to do in order to be a competitive candidate for grad school. Double gulp. Am I crazy? Just get your B.A.! Just be grateful you could complete a measly undergrad degree. Who do you think you are? Wait a minute...I can do anything! I think. No wonder I have been getting headaches lately...too much battling going on inside my brain. Yes, you can. No, you can't. I'm hoping those words GET OVER IT win out, and I take things one day at a time...before you know it I'll be leading discussions about early twentieth century British societies formed to protect the countryside, and helping other confused students find their ways to dreams!

photo by gala collette


Kris10 said...

You can do it! I think I know what you're going through. School, and especially now after school, is so like that. One day you feel you can do whatever you want, one day you feel so small and silly. For me, I think I get caught up in comparing myself to other people. I have to remember to let my unique self win the battle, and ignore the self who wants to be like everyone else. I'm excited for you to be in school, and a little jealous. I miss it wand want to go back. But now that we're both back in Sandy, we should catch up at some point.

liz said...

Well, all I can say is join the club- maybe it is in the genes. My day is always between, hmmm, high-school teacher, dental hygenist, hairdresser, design, sales. So far high-school teacher for me is winning, but that could change tomorrow.

Ann Marie said...

i didn't know you were thinking about being a high school teacher!! hive 5! we could teach at the same school!!!

liz said...

dude! history or health for me - don't know

Natalie said...

I can't believe you would even question yourself. With your passion, you can do anything. you would be a fabulous teacher!