The Long Hunt


Yes, the time has come for me to get a job. My days of cooking, reading, and learning to speak French must end. There is a time and a season for everything, yes? However, there is nothing more humorous to me as the classifieds. These corporate people try to rope you in, like working in a cubicle is the best thing that could ever happen to you. Here's a couple jobs I applied for this morning.

"Goal Oriented Receptionist Needed For Fast-Paced Company"

Seriously. Who are they kidding? I always feel so patronized when reading some of these ads. Do they really think that anyone that applies for the job is not going to claim to be "goal-oriented"? Here's my favorite line from the ad: "Super star assistant Needed ASAP"...ooh! ooh! Pick me! Job Requirements: " Must be efficient in asnwering 6 incoming lines, fliling, faxing, meet and greet and willing to take on more experience." "Don't Miss Out On This Opportunity!". Are you kidding me? Opportunity? Opportunity to waste my life away? No thanks. I'm crossing my fingers they don't call me back.

Administrative Assistant

"A fast-paced growing legal-based office is looking for a motivated administrative assistant." Motivated? Should I tell them I wake up at 5:30 AM even when unemployed because I have a life to live? Here's some requirements for your enjoyment: "1) Computer skills is a must" Skills? Check.

"2) Great telephone skills and in person customer service"...? "

4) Team Player" my favorite of all time...reminds me of when a good friend started working at a restaurant in Sandy, Utah called The Mayan. They were a great team, weren't they Ash?

"8) Attention to Detail" This is killin' me! And, finally, this is where they'll have a hard time finding someone,

"9) Have Great Personality". Sorry for all the sarcasm, people, but I can't help it!

What I Really Want To Do For A Job:

I want to find a pretty antique table, paint it sea foam green (the color of my family's cabin), laden it with fresh produce and home-made goodness, set it up on a corner and charge people a minimal fee, if they can afford it.
And/Or I want to teach yoga. I want to find a pretty little space, get some sponsors, and offer yoga classes for a price chosen by the student.


Liz said...

Yes- the classifieds try to trick you! How else are they supposed to get you to work for them. Imagine what the real ad should say??!!

Natalie said...

Good luck with the Job search. I would much rather do what you have been doing as well, who needs a job anyway, right? P.S. I have been doing the veggie thing for only three days and I can already tell a huge difference in my energy level. I think I'm addicted.

ashsan said...

Ann, come back to Utah. The Mayan is always hiring, and they have you HULA HOOP WHILE CHANTING THE MAYAN MISSION STATEMENT during training. How's that for fun on the job?

Dee said...

Ha ha ha! I loved this!
By the way, I hope you don't think I'm a blog stalker but I can't help it. Your blog is my favorite I think! I love it, love it, love it! I love the way you write and you write about so many things I care about too. I read it and remember what I love to live for, so thank you.

So happy about your dreamy job!!! It sounds wonderful! Wow, I'm so inspired. I know I could never sit in a cubicle either. How amazing to be around people and food. The ONLY way to go!

How do you wake up at 5:30, just because?!? How I WISH I could be so excited to start the day. I'm always too excited to END it, unfortunately. I can't seem to want to sleep at night...
I wish I was an elf.

Kate W. said...

Why not rent a pretty spot at your local farmer's market. I'm sure you have oodles where you live. The people I meet at the market here in northern Indiana seem to enjoy their work so much.