i had a lot of ambition this morning: the plan was to read a dense article and read a 120-page book...
doesn't look like that's going to happen now--something i can't put my finger on is distracting me.
do you ever have those kinds of days? like day-dreaming mixed with goal-setting mixed with anxiety.
it's one of those days where i'm trying to reach down into the depths of myself and figure out
what's really going on in there...what does a heart really want, and how does one get it.
day-dreaming: ceej is in italy today enjoying snow in the dolomites. i see photographs of such a magical landscape and want to be there, not here with my ambition. i want to be there with my dreams: a book store, writing, and workshops. these photographs here are of our last evening in the lake district last summer. what an incredible land. no wonder romantics such as william wordsworth lived there. inspiring in a sort of way that makes it necessary to write, to question, and to live.
goal-setting: finish school...and another degree. actually write dreams/goals on paper. find that confidence, that bravery. talk with your professor, and admit fears because somehow once that is done the fears dissipate. remind myself that school is something i enjoy...it's not something for me to prove how smart i am, because really i'm there because i'm in love--in love with history and literature.
anxiety: there's always a to-do list with ambition. ugh. am trying to remind myself that it truly is all about baby steps. i'm trying to cover up all of the steps except for the one immediately in front of me. i can do that one. i can read an article and a book in a day...still.
so, i'm off. to do step number one (read, read, read); to day-dream of living in a land with a pulse; and to give my anxiety a dose of deep breaths and a peppermint chocolate.