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the calm has finally settled in

7.20.2011





in an email, my sister wisely reminded me that i'm here
to learn, not to win a prize. oh ya.
this program is filled with the best of professors and the brightest of students,
and so it is easy to feel i have to prove myself: that i am brilliant, and insightful, and articulate, and knowledgeable, and, and, and...
it's easy to get anxious and push myself beyond enjoyment.

lucky for me my brain caught itself, and looked itself straight in the eyes and said:
you, my dear, are having an experience of a lifetime; don't ruin it with stress.
so i continue to spend much time in the library studying and writing
for most of my waking hours. but i no longer feel the urge to prove anything.
i pick topics i get giddy about, and i am writing about them in the way that
i want to write...not worrying about what others will think.
i am here in a beautiful city at a wonderful university
and i get to meet lots of incredible people.
i'm taking lots of deep breaths, and taking time to look around me now.
so glad the first weeks of anxiety are over.

however, i miss ceej terribly. i knew six weeks apart would be hard...but i had no idea
how a person can ache for someone almost constantly. can't wait for august 9th
when ceej makes his way over the atlantic to travel the countryside with me.

{photos from our trip to the cotswolds...more photos later!}

4 comments:

Sy said...

beautiful pictures, always wanted to visit the cotswolds

Nancy*McKay said...

i just watched the movie Bright Star...
i know that ache of yours...


simply
romantic
indeed.

Courtney said...

These look like Monet's poppy fields--wrong country I know, but definitely paint worthy.

Glad you're not trying too hard to compete. You write beautifully.

Lucy said...

These pictures make me swoon. Congratulations on finding your calm in the storm. I know how painful it is to be away from your mate. Best of luck.