SPACE FOR YOUR IMAGE DESCRIPTION OR TITLE

SPACE FOR YOUR IMAGE DESCRIPTION OR TITLE

how working hard towards dreams sometimes doesn't work out

4.16.2010

this post deserves no pretty picture. it's a bad news post. i'll try to make it as quick and painless as possible.

do you remember how hard i worked to get into a graduate program at middlebury college called "the bread loaf school of english?" do you remember that i got accepted? that was a good day indeed.

well, i did not get the grant i desperately needed to pay for this program. which means i will not be going to graduate school this summer. can you just hear the shattering of this dream?!

i found out a couple of days ago. i've gone through all the emotions: anger, blame {myself, the system, and everyone else}, despair, pity, peace {just a little that was fleeting}, confusion, anger, despair, all of it over and over again. lots of tears. lots of staring. lots of "what am i supposed to do now?"

i'm sure i'll be going through these emotions for the next few weeks. i'm sure i'll eventually make peace with the situation {though that's hard to imagine at this point}.

18 comments:

~Kristina said...

ann marie, i'm sorry.

wallflower said...

I went through the same thing last year.

I got accepted for the program and school I wanted to go to, and I was so excited! Unfortunately I couldn't pay for my program, and to get a student loan my dad had to have his taxes done (which he didn't do in time). So I got withdrawn.

So... I took the year off! I actually liked it. I've saved up over 4 grand now, and got accepted for the program for THIS year, and my year off was amazing! I'll try not to make the same mistakes again!

Tonia said...

I can hear it like shattering glass: I'm so sorry - hoping something better comes up for you.

Caitlin said...

I don't think anyone can afford school anymore. At least none of the people I know. It is slowly making me completely irate! The only way I can afford even going to a UC is joining the Army ROTC at school. I know you probably have but, check out Fastweb.com it lists tons of scholarships that you could be eligible for. I know how tough it is. My best friend called me crying the after she first applied for her nursing school (despite her almost perfect grades).

Jayne said...

Hang in there! You are so talented, I know things will work out for you. Life is really crazy, unexpected, and even unfair sometimes. Attitude is all we can really control. xoxo.

Suzanne said...

oh, I'm so sorry. So disappointing.

little moma (Summ) said...

SO SORRY! LIFE HAS A FUNNY WAY OF WORKING AT TIMES. Hang in there

Anonymous said...

but...Perhaps a private student loan?
I have gone to quite a few open houses for master's in counseling programs, and it seems this is the only route for me to take if none of the aid goes through. I will be having to pay back for a while, but it is def. worth it. Might this be solution for you? I hope so.

-Vanesa (from Philly)

Sabriel said...

you are beautiful

Char said...

((hugs))

Laura said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! I wish we didn't have to think about "school" and "money" together. Part of me just wants to go back to school and not even think about the money aspect. But another part of me realizes that if I expect to continue to support myself in a reasonable way, then I have to be somewhat practical about money.

I will be hoping and praying that something else presents itself.

cindy said...

i'm so sorry, ann marie. i think wallflower's story is very encouraging. i hope you won't give up and let money keep you from your dreams. you are already a wonderful writer. enjoy your time with your family this weekend. perfect timing for a visit from your special girls. it's funny how things work out like that. c

kelly ann said...

oh no... i'm so sorry. :( my heart hurts for you.

ilwen said...

I'm so very sorry dear. I hope some new door will open up for you soon.

Marte Marie Forsberg said...

Don't give up sweet Ann!
Maybe there is something even better around the bend, maybe even a solution, and option, a suggestion, or a wonderfully curvy path that leads you to the place where dreams come true, this I believe;)

Kerry O'Gorman said...

Education should be a right not a privledge! My daughter has been trying to get a Physiotherepy degree and so far she figures that her brain is now worth $50,000. Hope things work out for you somehow...keep the faith.

bigBANG studio said...

I HATE THEM FOR YOU. They are idiots, they are shortsighted penny-pinchers, they are veritable pecuniary killjoys. And I hate them for you.

But you mustn't let the man get you down for terribly long. Two days of moping is granted, but then you must rise up with fists and attack Plan B with gusto, chutzpah, and cunning, qualities all of which you possess in great fortune. We are right behind you, AM! Thank heavens your mom and sis are coming down to help cheer you up and hand you your battle axe. xoxo

marika said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this! Don't blame yourself, though; something else will work out.