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manifesto monday: digging

1.12.2010

i'm wearing a pair of long, gray, wool socks for the third day in a row. i ate a leftover waffle from two days ago for lunch today. i finally gave in to a pile of laundry that has now left my entire apartment acting as a drying rack. i started reading a book again that i initially started reading in july. it took some serious effort to get out of the house today to do my weekly grocery shopping at the co-op. i thought about beginning an essay about the earth. i thought about making pretty tote bags and mounting my photos on some pretty bamboo. i ended up knitting while listening to the news. i don't know what i'm knitting. but it's soft because the wool came from a baby alpaca. thought about how i think about myself and why. where did these beliefs come from? digging in this manner is usually quite uncomfortable. so i did some crying, and wondering. wondering how on earth you get away from things rooted so deep? are these roots good and strong? no. do they need digging? yes. they are rotten and debilitating. this old tree has stopped growing, and could fall very hard indeed. so i will keep digging and digging and digging. this digging will leave me hurt in some ways, but more alive in other ways. this i believe.

8 comments:

Julia (Color Me Green) said...

that sounds like me during my week off over the holidays. it took all my effort to accomplish just a couple tasks a day. the cold weather doesn't help.

it is good to think about things when we feel we've stopped growing. good luck with your digging.

Cherie said...

I can sympathize. I go through this every new year, it happens to fall close to my birthday. Another year past and what have I accomplished? Am I who I want to be? I to do some crying and moping, but it shall pass and I'll better myself for this year. Then the cycle will begin again next January.

At least you're examining yourself and are not content to remain the same. Happy digging.

nicole said...

You have such a lovely way with words, even when writing about challenges. This post reminds me of this quote a friend sent today:

"Ultimately our gift to the world around us is hope. Not blind hope that pretends everything is fine and refuses to acknowledge how things are. But the kind of hope that comes from staring pain and suffering right in the eyes and refusing to believe that this is all there is. It is what we all need - hope that comes not from going around suffering but from going through it." -Rob Bell

ievute said...

crying can clean and heal your soul... if you do it right :) happy digging and have a nice surprises on the way - the deeper - the better ;)

Jill said...

Please write a book. I will read.

Gailen Audie said...

I agree. I would pay to read your book.

Marie said...

hang in there ann, you are doing great! love ya, marie

cindy said...

your heartfelt post reminded me of the song 'dig' by incubus. i can't find the original video because they've changed it several times, but this one is good and makes the point well.

http://vodpod.com/watch/227730-incubus-dig