Manifesto Monday: light


photo by me. graduation party. may 2009.

after four months of 17 credit-hours, and following an intense week of finals, i had a bit of a breakdown. yes, revisiting my detailed class notes, skimming text books, and then organizing all of it into something meaningful and cohesive made my entire body cramp up until my heart felt heavy.

graduation day was an emotional day. i kept holding back tears so that the strangers sitting next to me wouldn't know that i am a sad, sad tear faucet. i cried inside as this beautiful woman (and student) said,

Now is another hour to acknowledge the potential of this present liminal threshold, and make another choice. Bless God for every moment, every trial, every challenged doubt, every brick heavy textbook, every debate, and every heart break. Your very state right now is the culminated future of your history. And blessedly, there's growth to go. Donald Revell said, "The present is prophetic, it presents the future to itself." There is more happening now than your bones readying to stabilize your form so you can culminate this ceremony. Step forward and present the next lesson to itself."

i felt oh so overwhelmed. now what was i supposed to do with my life? all those feelings of inadequacy surrounded my heart and began to strangle was a difficult day. hardly the celebratory feelings i had suspected to have.

thank the heavens ceej had planned a party. the heaviness of the day was starting to really wear on me. as soon as we began to talk with good friends, i began to feel light. i could tell them my fears and worries (which they share), and i felt every doubt leave my bones. i could breathe a bit again. then, came the most healing part of the night: dancing.

oh, how i've missed dancing. i wish there were more classes for adults around. as we moved in silly and, quite honestly, embarassing manners, i began to feel my heart sing. there's something about moving the body spontaneously that makes me feel light and light-hearted. it heals me.

so when i get back to california next week, i am searching high and low for a modern dance class for adults (anyone know of any?). as i search for what to do with my life, i will bring balance to my life through dancing. dancing makes us light. this i believe.


Caroline said...

"now what was i supposed to do with my life? "

Just live it, with joy and love. That's all.

Peck Family said...

Hey- I told you about my dance class here, Wednesday nights... you can come anytime. I can't dance very well, but I don't care, the class makes my spirit smile, so that is worth looking stupid for an hour! :)

Natalie said...

What a great post! I have never been a dancer but I agree. I love dancing with my husband and my kids. We have little dance parties with our kids all the time!

Good luck with everything. I know you will figure out what will make you happy with life after graduation!