our picnic at the lake: part two

it's always windy at the lake. so eventually i had to put on a thicker coat.

i can't seem to get over how quiet it was here. it's an expansive silence.

a silence that you know if you had more time to listen you might have a poetic epiphany about life.

i just wanted to breathe. to be quiet as well. i wanted to look with my uneducated eyes.

it's times like these i wish i would have found an interest in biology earlier in life.

but now is never too late...i will observe as a child observes, and maybe one day i'll

have names to put on the phenomena i see, hear, and feel. 

am so grateful for access to wildness.

it's monday now. one of those great mondays where you feel motivated,

like you're ready to move forward with life, approaching obstacles with

confidence that you will get through them.

{p.s. am feeling nostalgic for a sunny day up at the cabin thanks to marte!}

sunday afternoon : herbs, pages, lyrics, and women

i think i'm getting the hang of this pages thing. it's been difficult to unplug as i'm finding i have

more of an addiction to the laptop and these "convenient" smart phones we all carry around.

but i'm making progress, and pages are slowly taking over my life beautifully,

filling my mind with wonderful pictures, and creating questions that sometimes feel too big to approach.

ceej is out of town, jet-lagged in germany. i think his leaving just gets harder and harder every time.

but i guess that's a good sign, yes? 

this afternoon i took a break from one little book to retreat into the kitchen

to have a little refreshment by a sunny window with notes to review and that will hopefully

help me to read more deeply.

i've been reading about women in eighteenth century britain...what a gender-biased time to live in.

i have to admit that i sometimes wonder if we {women} have progressed as much as i would hope...

there seems to be so much more to be done in terms of equality. what do you think?

there are so many women i admire these days, changing the way things work and how we view them.

i am certainly grateful that i am even allowed to attend a university, vote, and generally have more control over my own life and its direction.

i'm interested. what do you think about women and our place in society?

one of the best ways to experience a snowstorm: invite friends over for a little bonfire, smores, conversation, and lots of laughing

click here to listen to a good campfire song...

just last weekend i wanted to take advantage of the falling snow

so we invited a few friends over for a potluck bonfire.

we caught up with friends who just delivered their first baby in a gas-station parking lot,

heard plans and dreams from another who wants to design technical gear for women (yes!),

questioned our nurse practitioner/dermatologist about all of our skin questions,

tried to keep our hands free of sticky marshmallows while avoiding smoke in our eyes,

retreated into the house to write limericks (some successful, and some very successful in their unsuccess),

and a promise to gather again soon.

hooray for snow. hooray for winter. hooray for friends.

when the mountains were too dangerous we headed to the lake for a picnic {part one}

what a dreamy weekend we had. lots of snow fell, which made for cozy nights with friends,

but made for a dangerous backcountry...so no skiing for us. avalanches were too sensitive for our liking.

so we headed out to the great salt lake for an afternoon picnic.

it's amazing how much contrast there is in our landscape:

one minute you can be in the aspens and pines of the snowy mountains,

and the next minute you can be on a desert island surrounded by a salty lake and open skies.

i don't think i'll ever tire of a yellow landscape nudging a blue sky...

nor will i ever tire of the quiet that resides on this island.

for all we knew we were the only ones there enjoying the sun and a good meal together.

you can't beat good bread, good soup, and hot cocoa on a crisp day.

i love little "getaways" like this...escapes into what is real in this world.

simplifying...part of which includes finally finishing off the last mini poppyseed citrus cake

it's always nice to have a reminder that there is a reason simplicity is my favorite.

thank you all for your support in my journey to simplify.

i did indeed drop that extra course, and maybe i felt bad for just a second, 

mainly because i was sad to miss a class taught by such a good professor.

but basically, i jumped for joy, whipped up a bowl of ice cream,

and watched an episode of the cosby show with ceej--

all in celebration of the restoration of a more flexible schedule.

i'm enjoying my remaining class so much more, 

and harbor no more grudges towards my lovely books.

phew. this is good. and to top it all off ceej and i have plans galore to go outside this weekend.

hooray for simplicity!

halloooo out there {out there as in being outside, which i am pining for}

oh my. i'm being eaten by a boa-constrictor piles of books and loose pages of essays.

somehow i've either forgotten how to schedule life or i have filled my days with too much

{fyi: life is "too busy" if i cannot find an hour a day to do as i please: take a nap, read books, stare at the wall, knit...a luxury? not for me. down time is essential to this woman's sanity}.

i've been noticing, quite acutely, how much my out-of-doors time has been cut back.

it's bad. very, very bad. i seem to be inhabiting rooms these days...usually the office/study.

how long have i been back in school? oh yes. only two weeks, and i'm already 

resenting these books {which i do love} for their neediness.

i'm busy. by my standards. and i'm wondering how to remedy my dilemma.

(a) learn how to schedule better, and stay away from the interwebs

(b) adopt a scaled-back schedule by dropping a class that isn't necessary now (or ever, really), and that is causing me lots and lots of stress...though i keep it in the schedule because i don't want to feel like i "gave up." hmph. 

point: i need to get outside more, and find more quiet time...especially now that the snow has finally started to fall. 

{photos from our trip to grand teton national park last summer/fall}

determined to stay on this road...because i have seen the end of it, and it is magnificent

i've been watching my thoughts, considering all of your kind words,

listening to this, this, this, and this....

all of this has brought me to a place of determination. a place of acceptance that

the road ahead will be challenging and will test my soul because, let's face it,

i am facing my biggest fears. what are my fears? 

i'm afraid that my head may actually be empty and void of any intellect;

i'm afraid of being misunderstood;

i'm afraid of not being able to contribute to essential life conversations;

i'm afraid of missing beauty that is perhaps hidden from me.

somehow school enables me to face all of these fears.

perhaps this is why i love it so much: it takes my entire being--head, heart, soul.

in the end i find i have nothing to fear. 

there is indeed a brain inside this skull, and a heart too.

i understand more than i think i do, and others delight in hearing my point of view.

i contribute my honest heart.

and i always find beauty beyond what i could have ever imagined.

i'm on this academic road...it's a long and ambitious road.

i feel like closing my eyes tight every time i walk out the door

and enter a classroom filled with "experts." at times all i can do is hold tight:

my books are never far from me. my calendar is filled with deadlines and goals.

i reach out to more books than required to help me on this journey.

i remind myself that this experience is for me, and no one else.

i only have to prove myself to myself. write what i want to write.

and, yes, i have seen the end of this road.

i can imagine it as i drive away from campus...

the end of this road is filled with joyous tears and the sensation

that i can continue on as many roads as i desire.

because i am determined. and that's enough.

{photos from our walk in derbyshire, england this summer}