scheduled writing

i've given myself deadlines...finally.
i'm diving head-first into the world of writing.
i figured i've thought enough about writing,
and it was time to get real.

so i'm starting with two short articles,
and have started a writing group
{our first meeting in just over a week!}.
i'm kind of excited about our writing group
because we've decided that there will
be singing of songs at the end of each meeting.
how fun is that?! very.

i will be the greatest benefactor of this writing group for sure...
there's so much brain and so much heart in these other women,
and they've easily read thousands of pages more than i.
so i am excited to learn from more experienced pens.

hooray for deadlines and wonderfully brilliant women!

desktop quote : doing

spring is certainly here...life in the past week has brought much change.
there were triumphs as i cleared my head and made bold decisions;
there were victories as sister #3 finished her half-ironman;
there were tears when we heard of tragedy that has left us all in shock...
all of this has made me think more deliberately and act more kindly
towards others and myself.

but most of all, i am getting rid of the "what if's" that seem to be
popping up in my head these past few days.
"what-if's" hold me back, and keep me afraid of living,
afraid of both the past and the future.

this morning i read a little paragraph from a book called
"the power of kindness", written by peiro ferrucci.
it's a go-to-book that i use constantly when i need
reminders of wisdom:

"to live in the future is to be in a place that
does not yet exist. the future can be seen as a positive,
but also a danger. it can weigh on us--be a time to which
we do not want to go. but we know we will get there anyway,
no matter how hard we put on the brakes. it can also be a time
full of things to do; just thinking about it can exhast us,
knowing we will never do them all. and this stress prevents
us from being fullin in the one moment in which we really could do
something: the present.

"luckily, in real life we can find the present again and again.
this is a simple recipe available to everybody: do what you are doing...
if i am doing what i am doing, without fantasies of approaching dangers,
without my mind displaced, i am centered. i am here one hundred percent.
if so, then in that moment i am afraid of nothing, and need nothing.
thus i find fullness."

hope you found comfort and motivation in these words as i did.

{right click on the top image for smaller desktop image; right click on the bottom image for a larger image}

learning to be grown up & brave

i knew that this week was going to be full of change...
scary, but oh so good.
change can be stressful, don't you think? it's hard to tell
people that you're changing...though maybe on some levels
you're not really changing who you are, but you're throwing
out your ol' pal "fear." yup. today is the day...

but it all started monday with the blues...the kind of blues
where you finally say "whoa, horsey! i don't like this. i'm tired. i'm done."
and then it gets scary...thinking of all the people you'll let down
with necessary, but physically hard, conversations.
i think it's most difficult to tell people "i won't" instead of "i can't."
oh how i thought of all the wonderful, "legitimate," stories i could
tell so that people would pity me, rather than be disappointed...or even angry.

so i decided this week i was going to be a grown up, full of courage and logic...
all so i can get back to that part of me that is wistfully but deeply imaginative.
there were readings of books that remind me how easy it is to betray one's self;
there was a meeting with a stranger who asked me just the right questions to
make me move now, rather than later;
there was a drive up a beautiful canyon with a wonderful friend who has now joined
the ranks of mothers...and she let me practice telling people that "i won't."

today. today i fretted, and practiced my "speeches."
i worked. i worried. i worked. worried, worried, worried...sort of.
i felt the grown up in me rise. i'm practical. i'm logical. i'm capable. i'm honest.
so, i went to my scheduled hair appointment (which i haven't had one in 1.5 years),
dreading the "usual" terrible outcome when communication between me and the
stylist goes completely, terribly wrong and i smile and say i like it, but
cry as soon as i'm in the car.
BUT the graces are on my side today it seems...best haircut ever. easy...and lots
of scalp and hand massages...just what i needed for a difficult conversation.

i drove to my best support...ceej. i needed him next to me as i made
a very difficult phone call to say "i won't."
ceej sat by my side as i became a grown up and found some courage.
i was kind. i was persistent. and it ended. i finally felt what it felt like to
be brave and honest and kind all at once.
this is a good change indeed...

of course difficult times are ahead for me,
as is any new path, but this path i believe in.

am ready for a weekend with sister #3 and friends
while sister #3 runs a half-Ironman race {preparing for a full IronMan in a month!}.

sending courage and kindness your way.
see you on monday.

my mom...before i was born

{my mom is the proud graduate}

{here she is, on the right, with her sisters}

{now, she's on the left}

my older brother has been scanning hundreds of family slides
over the past few weeks, and there are some amazing
photographs that i'll be sharing with you sporadically...
i think you'll love them.

i love finding all these photos of my wise and pretty mom
before i, and most of my siblings, ever entered her life.
she's always had such life in her eyes, a good sense of humor,
and insight to life that is unmatched.

desktop quote & manifesto monday : growing things from the earth

yesterday marked the first day of spring.
i can see little buds making their way on our trees outside.
i know we'll have more winter storms,
but i am anxious about seeing green sprouting from the earth.
i am anxious to smell the ground thawing.
i am anxious for birds to chirp, waking me in the morning.

i am anxious for change. aren't you?
i am anxious to smell new smells,
to see new views...to find a way "out."

this week i hope to find ways
out of my routine,
out of my world-view,
out of myself.

perhaps by digging in my own earth, that is my heart,
i will thaw old beliefs and allow
new growth to begin.



{right click on the top image for a smaller desktop image; right click on the bottom image for a larger image}

i'm dreaming of celebrating st. patrick's day at the sea : our last visit to point reyes before we moved

i am definitely homesick for the sea.
that is the only downside of our move to the mountains.
point reyes is most likely bright green with spring grass,
and the blossoms are probably overtaking each and every branch.

i think st. patrick's day at the sea would be ideal,
don't you?

but since we can't all be at sea today
i'd like to console those of you who are in my area:

i'll be hosting the sixth annual irish night this
friday night at 7:00pm (email me if you'd like my address).
bring: yourself, some food to share (keep it simple...i don't want anyone worrying about it), an irish folk tale, irish historical story, a limerick, or a pot of gold.
you can simply show up and enjoy the company, or bring something/someone with you.
there will be storytelling, eating, singing, and jigs to your hearts content.

happy st. patrick's day...wherever you are!

st. patrick's parade...i think st patrick drives a mini car and wears a scarf

in preparation for tomorrow's holiday,
we attended a little st. patrick's day parade last saturday
{truly, we were there to see our cute little niece with
her irish dance troupe...loved seeing them skip around, holding hands}.

i kept my eyes peeled for the man himself, mister st. patrick.
there were lots of dogs, woofing to my sheer glee, lots of shamrocks,
and lots of fire trucks...

near the end of the parade was a man in a little car wearing a scarf.
this, i decided, must be the man. and i was glad.

giving and reading books

there have been many trips to my little neighborhood bookstore
and many packages arriving at my doorstep as i've been
gathering in such wonderful books to give away and
to keep for myself.

i'm quite proud of little nieces and nephews who have a love
for reading...far beyond their age-level. yes, i am a proud auntie indeed.

then there's my stack of books...that's not even the half of what
i'll be reading to prepare for my semester at oxford this summer.
i'm quite eager about reading every page and learning
all that i can about royal dynasties and influential poets.

what are you reading?

desktop quote & manifesto monday : the sea

this week is a week to celebrate the irish...
and i, like so many others, love to claim my
irish heritage though i've never set foot on irish soil
{that will change this summer}.

but something i have been thinking of these days
is at the core of all irish hearts : the sea.
though i've never touched irish soil, i have experienced
the immensity and wonder of the sea, and have been
smitten by its profound reaches and endless waters.
on the coast or on the water, something happens to a soul:
your heart beat slows to a deep and certain rhythm
and your lungs find healing with salty air while your skin
collects the humid drops of air. ears tell a body to keep still
and eyes to scan every detail. breath becomes rich.
and then you know. you just know.

am looking forward to my next visit to the sea...

am ready for the weekend...especially if it involves a yummy bakery for breakfast again

this week has really done me in...
and i am quite ready for a movie night
with ceej watching this film which i'm sure
will make me want to quit my day job and
travel the country singing and playing the guitar.
ah, sweet escapism!

this weekend i'm going to give my calendar
a face-lift...i hope...crossing things off
and finding more time to sink my soul
into the things i love most.
i think i'll need more courage than usual.

this weekend will be good. i know it.
among my de-cluttering of the calendar
i plan on organizing the office a little more,
going to a parade, and reading in bed lots,
and i'm really, really going to try not to work.

tell me of your wonderfully relaxing weekend plans, please.

it's still winter here...and i'm glad

spring is making a great effort here today...62 degrees will be our high.
but we had a marvelous snow storm a couple of days ago
and our mountains are still packed with lovely snow
as the snow on my roof continues to drip down quickly in torrents.

am looking forward to our dawn patrol tomorrow morning
so i can soak up every bit of winter and the beautiful snow
before it is gone.

if you ever come on a dawn patrol, or any skiing adventure, with us
let me alert you to the fact that ceej will bombard you with his sage advice:
"cotton kills," "eat and drink whenever you can...that's the key,"
"place your poles in front of your feet as you skin up," "stay low and you'll flow,"
"pinch the pencil," "belly-button downhill."
it's good advice. trust me.