{pssst....}

just wanted to say thank you! for all the reminders that it's okay to be human.
feeling much better.
also, i think we need to start a california chapter of kate's mediocre club. brilliant.

can't wait for this concert tomorrow night. should be dreamy.
i also wanted to urge you all to watch this documentary on martin luther king, jr.
airing on pbs on wednesday.

this is a photo of the best peanut butter chocolate easter egg i've ever eaten.
we have been nibbling on it for the past couple of days...
trying to make it last as long as possible.

okay...now i'm off to finish packing.
see you next monday!

much needed vacation and visit home

cj and i are packing up our bags
and leaving early tomorrow morning
to visit home.
{i don't think california will ever feel like home}.
i'm looking forward to cooler weather, snow, mountains, and family.
i really need this little trip.
see you next week.

{p.s. sorry about the "woe is me" manifesto monday...i hope to get ahold of myself soon}

manifesto monday : weakness

i guess i knew this was coming.
when everything seems to be going so well,
and it feels as if i've finally jumped all hurdles,
that wall comes up.
my weakness. or, rather, weaknesses.
this weekend i was reminded of how numerous my faults are.
i wonder how a person can be so completely disfunctional as i.
how do i explain it all?
perhaps i can try to show you.
i have been unemployed for 2.5 years
{for many of those disfunctional reasons}.
i have dessert every day...encouraging serious, unwanted things that may lie in my genes.
i am a hermit...always striving to keep my innermost feelings safe.
i am a fearful perfectionist.
i am, all at once, a cynic and a dreamer.
i despise resumes, applications, interviews, and meetings.
i lack missionary zeal for any cause or belief...part of being a hermit.
i'm quietly passionate, which leaves many people with the only option of assuming they know me.
i am mediocre at many things...a frustrating thing to be.

weakness.
something i know all too well.
i want to believe that weakness can become a strength...
but when? how?
i want to be content with my weakness.
i want to be comfortable with discomfort.
sometimes i am able to do this.
other times, like this weekend and today,
it is not so easy.

perhaps today,
i believe that weakness is necessary,
but i don't like it.
not one bit.

have a productive weekend...

it's a sunny spring weekend...
perfect for getting rid of that spring-cleaning bug we all catch about now.
our weekend to-do list:
.farmer's market.
.lavender farm...hopefully...to make sachets, breads, and laundry water.
.clean out car interior...we've got to show our baby off...might have to sell it soon.
.construct container gardens from reclaimed wood.
.invite old friends for sunday dinner on the river.
.help girls raise money for summer camp...by watching the original 'parent trap.'
.have at least two picnics, lying in the grass, eating, reading.
.find plenty of time to be idle in between it all.

happy, happy weekend!

yesterday i was nonstop busy...and test-tasting yummy things for a sort of birthday party

i was baking up a storm...truly.
cakes, cupcakes, breads, etc.
some for a party we had last night,
some just to have on hand
when a sweet tooth beckons
or some serious grain is needed in the tummy.

sprinkles were everywhere.
magic faerie dust really.
as i frosted and sprinkled i was overtaken
by the smell of a spring rain...
what is it about spring rain specifically that is so fresh and clean?
what could be more perfect than
baking while it rains outside?




i tried this cupcake/cake recipe for the first time,
and it worked out quite well.
i used this recipe, except i used less water
{i only used 1/2 cup hot water}.

it all turned out so yummy and perfect.
we are set for the next few days indeed.

i am content.

i have enough. sufficient for my needs.
i am content.
yes, there are things/people in my life that cause me great anxiety.
there are many unknowns.
i get frustrated with myself...especially my younger self.
but i am content.
happy to have ceej. a little home. family.
i love my oatmeal breakfast, my morning yoga at home, reading books,
and writing on pads of paper.
i am progressing in my contentment...
the more i learn to be self-sufficient, the less i feel i need things.
my time spent learning about bread and gardens is time spent away from things.
the less i feel i need, the more content i am.
i am crossing more and more off my list...
not because i accomplished them or obtained them,
but because i am letting go,
welcoming a more simple life.
it's a good feeling to let go.
to be content.
yes?

this is only the beginning...

yesterday i received this treasure of a book in the mail.
i am in love with the beautifully simple nature of its text and
its sketches especially.
this marks the beginning of my quest to learn as many names as possible
of plants, animals, bugs, etc.

it is a bit overwhelming...even with this simple book.
but, it is all so exciting at the same time.
can't wait for more field guides to arrive!
any suggestions of field guides or other such books i should investigate?

spring = asparagus

asparagus risotto : from cooking outside the box

ingredients:

1 onion, peeled and chopped
olive oil
1 mug risotto rice
1/2 mug of white wine
4 mugs of simmering vegetable stock
1 bunch asparagus, about 15-20 spears, tough stalks removed
2 tbsp double cream
1/3 mug of grated parmesan cheese
salt and freshly ground pepper

directions:

saute the onion with a glug of olive oil in a large heavy-based pot over a medium heat for 3-5 minutes. add the rice and wine and slowly simmer until the wine has almost evaporated, stirring constantly. now you start adding the stock to the rice a little at a time - as with the wine, you need to stir constantly and only add stock when the rice starts to thicken and get sticky. keep the stock simmering in a separate saucepan. continue doing this until the rice is cooked through and your arm is about to fall off.

set aside the tops of a few asparagus spears for garnish. when you only have about 1 mug of cooking liquid left to add, steam the asparagus in a separate saucepan for about 3-5 minutes, until just fork tender but still with a bite.

slice the steamed asparagus into 4cm lengths and add to the rice when there is only a slight amount of stock left to absorb. when the rice is cooked through and the asparagus has been added, add the cream and half the parmesan. season with salt and remove form the heat.

place on heated plates and top with the raw asparagus spears. sprinkle the remaining parmesan cheese and freshly ground pepper.

this was oh so yummy.
the perfect mix of fibrous veggies
and a creamy risotto.
mmmmm.

i'm taking the day off to spend the day with ceej...

...see you tomorrow...

have a romantic weekend...

whether your single or not, there's a few things i suggest that will whisk your heart away:

.find a field to lie down in, preferably amidst wildflowers, and watch the clouds.
.have a picnic far away from the city or suburb.
.read wordsworth's poetry. aloud. deliberately.
.wear your favorite flowing and breezy dress or skirt.
.find some flowers to settle on your kitchen table.
.write love notes. to anyone and everyone. in cursive.
.watch the sunset.
.dip your toes in any body of water. even if it's a puddle.
.go bird/butterfly watching.
.arise with the sun.
.speak kindness.
.listen.

happy weekend!

sweet things

ceej comes home this weekend.
can.not.wait!

he's been gone for two weeks.
i entrusted cj's boss with a little surprise for cj
that he delivered to cj half way through their trip...
it was this little notebook that i made into a mini love book.
it was a hit!
can't wait to see ceej and tell him in person what he means to me...

and i think i'll have some fresh chocolate croissants waiting for him...
we'll eat these sweet treats and talk over some tea,
dance in the living room,
and probably go for a walk along the river.
my solo days are happily coming to an end.

on spring : fresh flowers, antique books, poetry, and women who sing

experiencing 70+ degrees here and blue, blue skies.
this truly is wonderful weather.
the birds wake me with their little songs,
i open up my windows all day long
{unless one of those ubiquitous leaf-blowers comes along...no one here has heard of a rake}.
i listen constantly to jolie, patty, nanci, and gillian.
{excited beyond words for patty's show on the 30th!!!!!!}.
i take my worn books of classics and poetry and eat lunch by the river.
my house is full of fresh flowers,
and i'm making lots of skirts.

it must be spring.

i was born with ireland in my soul...

1. sheep's wool 2. bluebell field 3. fiddle 4. bodhran 5. home on the sea

"there is something in their core that belongs to their birthplace.
it is like uranium with a half-life so long that it becomes
part of the genetic makeup, passed down two, six, generations.
it is that DNA that makes the american who is one sixteenth irish,
whose great-great-grandparents came to america during the famine,
who has never set foot in dublin, wear green on march 17."
-ireland in mind, alice leccese powers

that's me. never been to ireland.
but i'm irish. my ancestors were. so that makes me irish.
today is my favorite day of the entire year.
hands down.
am weeping inside that my sixth annual irish night will only
be attended by one soul tonight: me.
i was too timid to ask neighbors to write limericks,
perform jigs, tell stories, and sing songs...it's an overwhelming night,
to say the least.

1. fiddle 2. walk on the beach 3. boys 4. red woman 5. boat

how can you not be in love with this country?
a place that seems to value
the sea, farming, story-telling, music, family, red hair.
it sounds as if the irish have the simple life perfected.
this little country pulls on my heart strings daily.
i used to get anxious about visiting...feeling that i had to go now, right this second.
but now i've calmed down a bit because there's no question that i'll get there,
and visit often. i'll get there when i get there.
i'm already there in my heart...truly.
and by the way, if you want to learn about st. patrick
click here to watch a wonderful little snippet about him.
and did you know the irish saved civilization? well, they did.

1. cliffs 2. thatched house 3. man at yellow house 4. farmer

so i will be spending my day listening to Cathy Jordan and Dervish,
Leo Rowsome, Liam Walsh, Molly's Revenge and Moira Smiley,
and many more.
i'll probably make some boxties, potato champ, or soda bread.
i'll take a walk along the river {pretending it's the sea}.
i'll close my blinds and do some dancing and singing.
i'll attempt to play the bodhran.
i'll write a limerick or two.
i'll read about the good people and banshees.
i'll watch the secret of roan inish and waking ned devine.

1. cellist 2. girl near thatched house 3. pub 4. bicycles 5. sheep 6. farmer

since i've never been to my "homeland"
i've provided with you with some images by other photographers.
click on the descriptions to find out more.

happy st. patrick's day!!
what are you doing to celebrate?
why do you love ireland?

despite my busy weekend, i found time to be idle

i started a little knitting project just to practice:
another scarf.
and since i want to move on from all things square and rectangle
i signed up for a knitting class that starts next month!
when i walked into this knitting store i had to seriously
contain myself to avoid overwhelming the employees with my
sheer joy and giddiness.

i had some time to read about baking bread and gardening in any space.
there is so much to learn!

i learned about the many kinds of bread doughs:
stiff, standard, rustic,
lean, enriched, rich,
yeasted and unyeasted.
all kinds of wheat:
hard or soft, red or white,
winter or spring.
i even had to learn a little math!

i read that the most important component for any garden is
love.
seriously? yes. and i'm not going to question that.
i've picked out the places i will arrange my containers
where they will get plenty of sun.
"the old mantra 'learn the rules before you break them' stands true.
all good gardens follow six golden principles--
repetition, variety, balance, emphasis, sequence, and scale--
in one way or another.
on top of these are secondary elements of color, texture,
form or shape, and smell.
these ideals apply as much to a collection of containers as
to any scale of garden."

and i was able to go to my favorite farmers market
where i found the prettiest spring flowers, rainbow chard, and portabella mushrooms.
it was a good weekend indeed.

i love being a woman : sabriel {from earth verbatim}

1. Children are a beauty. I have the capacity to carry them within me,
grow them from my own soul.

2. the inexplicable pull i feel towards others.
I have love as deep as an ocean in my heart.

3. Intuition. I care for people, almost too much at times.
I can feel others feelings with such acuteness, it makes me ache.
But I wouldn't give it up for anything.

4. I get to be a work of art! Wearing beautiful skirts and dresses with long flowing hair
makes me feel like a fairy.
I love to drift around and pretend that I am a painting.

5. Other women. Our great Mother has brought us all together and lets us feel
the power of each others souls.

6. I am allowed to cry. Not that men aren't, but I'm almost expected to.
And believe you me, I take full advantage.

7. Everything feels like everything to me.
Mother Nature brings me to my knees,
children leave me breathless,
and the warmth of my husband makes me weak. I can feel!

8. We are fighters and we are strong, but we still need to be taken care of.
Pride is not in our blood.

9. My own mother makes me proud to be a woman.
The wealth of wisdom and love that she has poured out upon my hungry soul has made me
who I am. I have seen her struggle and overcome,
she has taught me what it is to be a mother, child, wife, and woman.

10. Someday I will go back to my Mother Earth.
She will embrace me and I will become like her, one with her.
I love being a woman, because it is beautiful. It is fullness.

thank you, sabriel!!
isn't she beautiful?
maybe some day i'll be fortunate enough to meet her in person.

featured : le voyage creatif

come on over to le voyage creatif
to see my little photo with a little story...
i'm positive you'll really love marie's blog:
it's full of amazing photography, travels, and stories.
yes, i have a serious crush.

thank you, marie!

manifesto monday : names

i have a hard time with names.
sometimes. not most the time.
but those sometimes are awkward moments indeed.

i did a lot of reading this weekend
{so happy about this...i read, in spite of how busy i was!}
through all of my reading i realized i had some serious
name-learning to do.
i need/want to learn the names of as many
plants, vegetables, fruits, trees, flowers,
bugs, birds, animals as possible.
i want to learn them all.
i feel a child-like excitement about all of these things as of late.
this fervor started when i realized that not only should
i know where my food comes from,
but i should know all of its varieties by name...
enabling me to love these plants even more.
how can you love someone/something if you don't even know its name?!
i feel like i witness little miracles daily...and often i am unable to hide my emotion...
yesterday alone i cried at least six times just thinking
about the beauty in the world and what a gift it all is.
i hope we take care of it, and learn how everything works together
to support our own lives.
and we can start by learning names.
i will introduce myself to the bushes outside,
"hello, i'm ann marie. i'm your neighbor.
what's your name? oh yes, it's perfect. so fitting.
is there anything i can do for you?
what are your interests? what do you like to eat?
would you like to join me inside my little apartment?"
perhaps my human neighbors will see me talking to plants and crawling creatures
and feel justified in their notions that i am a bit off my rocker.
totally worth it.
don't you think?

this i believe.

{by the way, i took this photo of blossoms last year,
on the university of utah campus...does anyone know
the name of the tree that bears these beautiful blossoms?}

i love being a woman : laura lawrence {scientist, generous hostess, bright light}

laura saves me in so many ways...mostly from loneliness.
i love going to her very cute apartment for to-die-for-dinners
or even having her over to my out-dated apartment for a lesser meal.
she is good for my heart here.
we can talk about all those things you're not supposed to talk about with
acquaintances: politics, religion, environmentalism, etc.
i unload on her usually.
and she kindly listens, and teaches me knew things.
laura saves me.

here is her list of reasons she loves being a woman:

1. Wearing pearl necklaces and long flowing skirts

2. Having a nurturing instinct

3.Instinctively knowing things because my female intuition is at work

4.The possibility of feeling babies grow inside my belly

5. The way men feel compelled to lift heavy objects for me
(My feminist nature used to protest, but now I see this as a way that men can honor
both a woman's strengths and weaknesses.)

6. The example I set for little girls that a woman can become anything she wants to be

7.The insights about people and situations that I'm able to contribute in the workplace,
and that my male coworkers sometimes miss

8. The friendships I have with other strong women--close female friends share a bond
that is different from other relationships

9. Being a mother, even without children of my own

10. A certain sensitivity to things that are beautiful



lovely list, laura! thank you!

{photo by me...as are most photos on this site, unless otherwise noted}

have a restful weekend...

i met with a friend this morning about a project we're working on...
i wasn't excited about the meeting beforehand.
but was relieved to find out we are on the same page:
burned out!
i'm just oh so busy working on so many things...mostly for other people.
somehow i started saying "yes" to everything.
that seems to be what people tell you to do:
say yes to it all because you don't want to miss out.
well, i'm going to start saying "no" to it all.
i need to work on some neglected projects of my own
{writing!}
and i have been anxious to get my container garden going
and need to finally learn how to really make bread
like they make it in europe.
as my life goes on, i am hoping to go slower and slower
and to rest and enjoy a garden, homemade bread, writing,
and the company of those closest to me.

my weekend is a bit busy...busier than i prefer.
so i hope to rest whenever possible.

how does your weekend look?
may i suggest you say "no" to something
and stay home and just read a good book
while the weather does its thing?
try it.
and then tell me how it went.

i love being a woman : dianne, my sweet mom {organist, pianist, gardener, quilter, writer, as a little girl, prayed every night to become a faerie}

so this will be the most difficult introduction yet...
how do i succinctly say everything there is to know about my mom?!
first of all,
you must know that she has a wonderful sense of humor
and loves to laugh with her family. she often laughs herself to tears.
she is a believer...of everything and everyone.
she can play anything on the piano or organ that you hand her...
you should have been at her organ recital when she blew everyone
away with bach's toccata and fugue in d minor
{of course my mom plays the organ...the most wonderful and powerful instrument there is}.
my mother is wise beyond anyone i've ever met...
she knows what this world is all about--what can be seen and what can't be seen.
she is quick to learn, and humbly admits when she is wrong.
her fierce love of her kids is remarkable...considering what we've put her through.
she's known as "mama" to all of our childhood and neighborhood friends.
if you ever meet her, you'll easily fall into conversation with her
and feel you can do anything. she just has a magic touch.
i am always in awe of her natural beauty.
she's never been one to wear makeup.
and her hair is the most wonderful silver...been that way
since i can remember.
if i'm lucky i'll go gray early like she did.

i want to go on and on...but we should get to her list.
it says so much about her.

The reasons I love being a woman have to do with what I saw and heard
from my mother and grandmother...

1. I love being a daughter to a mother and grandmother who knew how to comfort and aid the women in their community.

2. I loved learning of how women helped each other by listening to
the stories of my grandmother helping her neighbors deliver their babies,
relieving the suffering of their sicknesses.

3. I love knowing that during WWII, the women in my family organized themselves
to take care of the home while their husbands went to war.
My Grandmother was Relief Society president so every morning the bishop would call her
with a list of women that needed help. She would spend the day helping them.
My aunt had a job and helped bring in some money.
My mother had a baby and so she stayed home and took care of the home.

4. I loved singing lullabyes to my babies.

5. I loved sitting on the bed of the youngest child,
with all my children gathered around and reading stories to them.
This always led to conversations about what worried them or
what funny things happened to them.

6. I love being able to help my aging mother by combing her hair,
giving her a bath, all the while laughing about what is not fun about aging.

7. I loved having my children bring me potato bugs, dandelions,
blossoms off the trees for evidence of their love to me.

8. I loved working with other women sewing children's pajamas,
embroidering pillow cases, dish towels for service projects.

9. I loved creating to beautify life such as quilting, crocheting;
thinking of having a warm comforter to comfort.

10. I love that I can still nurture and watch flowers and vegetables grow after all
you children have grown up and you aren't as needy as you once were.
There are always places to be and things and people to nurture and care for.

thank you, mom, for such a beautiful list!
don't you want to visit her and
quilt with her for an afternoon?
if you ask her, she'll play her organ for you.

{color photos by my brother, dan}

to read more about my mom click here.

breakfast.

on simple joys, fragility, and time

aren't these so very pretty?
they are jewels to me.
candy.
would buy all the thread in the world
just to let it sit on my table so i could gaze at it.
but i must make something with these lovely colors.
i'll think of something and then show you what becomes
of these beautiful threads.
sewing helps my time alone fly by.
it truly is a therapy:
being busy with my hands,
creating something
to use or to give away.
something i made.
so satisfying.

i continue to have mini awakenings...
they alert me that i have wonderful things to do,
and better ways to spend my time.
creating.
moving.
reading.
recording.
telling.
laughing.

i'm in this intense fragile time in my life i feel.
it's a fragility that is on the brink of deliberate vision,
on the heel of courage and fairy tales.

i'm in love more and more with small things,
with elegant things and people,
with honest people who are so solid to the core.

i'm about to simplify,
yet open up my world to so many possibilities.
i can just feel it.

so what shall i make with these pretty little things?
any suggestions?

so grateful for breakings and openings...
aren't you?

so grateful for all the little things that are so fragile.